Joseph William DeMatthews

Hi my beautiful boy,

Another day. What can I say? My life is just filled with so much pain, going to the Dr's and work. I am so tried of everything. The only thing I do look forward to is to write to you even though I hate it, I rather go in your room and do that. I know this pain and emptyness will never go away until we are reunited again. So I guess I have to live like this until we are. Danielle oh what do I say about her Joe. I know you are keeping her safe and watching her and knowing what is in her heart. I wish that day she was here 2 days before all hell broke loose, you were so happy with that beautiful smile on your face just glowing like a baby with a toy. Telling me everything when she left and couldn't stop talking about her. I wish she told you everything that was going on in her heart.
But who knew. She was just making sure. I know you know that now. I know and so does everyone else that she had your heart always. You loved her like no one else could ever. Your brother even knows how happy you were that is why he try so hard to find her ring and hand it to her himself. You told him things that you never told anyone else. He was your big brother and listen and took care of you. Everyone is so sad because you of all people were so innocent and sweet and never would hurt anyone's feeling. We all need you here. Your present's made everyone happy and laugh. You were so enjoyable to be around. You made me laugh when you would have Danielle do your eyebrows before you went tanning. My sweet baby I love you with all my heart. You remember when I always said Joe I want to have one of you and Danielle's baby. (so bad) because I knew it would be so beautiful and alot like you hyper. You just love kids. I know You wanted to have one with Danielle one day but God took you to soon. At least we would have had that part of you with us.
Well my baby I will talk with you later.
I love you forever and always
Your Mom

Hi my sweet Boy,

Tomorrow is Friday. You will be in the newspaper again.
I know baby I just say the same thing everyday but, I just miss you so much.
I use to tell you that everyday at home. So now I write it.
Of course I hate it but for now I have no choice.
Your father and I just exsist. It is such a shame. You left so a big emptyness in the house and in our lives. I will talk with you later.
I love you forever and always
Mom

Good morning my sweet baby,

Another day. Sometimes time feels like it is going quickly and other times it feels like time does not move. You know Joe your father and me do not do anything. I go to work and hopes the day goes fast. Then go home sometimes we don't even say anything to each other. We just know what the other one is thinking. What a life huh. But there really isn't one without your smiling face everyday to look at and to talk to and to hold, hug and kiss you most of all to tell you I love you.
Until the day we are reunited I will keep you alive in my heart always and keep you going and never let anyone forget. Which won't be hard at all. Everyone is always talking about you. There is nothing anyone can do without it reminding them of you.
Oh Joe, I know you had so much in life left to do and that is what kills me. I know everything you had plan in life to do and so happy about it. I know you would have been so happy. Well my love I will talk to you later.
Love you always and forever,
Your Mom

Good Morning my Sweet Boy,

I just wanted to tell you I Love You. I miss you. I know you know, but I can't let a day go by without telling you. Just as if you were home. Joe I just exsist everyday.With this emptyness inside me. I go to work come home and go to bed and start another day all over again. It's a terrible life here, without you in it. I see Wayne when he is home. That make me feel better.
I just want to hold on to him and not let go.
Life is so unpredictable. That is why I just take day by day.
That is all your father does.
What ever happens does not even surprise me. Weather it's good or bad. I have no feelings. Just like the car accident.
The worst thing that could have happen to me in my life already did. So anything that comes my way is minor. I know I repeat myself but it should have been me. (NOT YOU).
That is how life is suppose to go. PARENTS FIRST. I am just not and will not except this. I just wait. I really believed that the good people stay. You were so, so precious and sweet and innocent, caring, loving and a big heart! You were just like me, but I lived half my life. My boys were getting older and settled in life and that's all I wanted. To see you and Wayne doing good. So that is why I can't understand why you. You still had so much to live for and many more years.
I raised my 2 boys and I knew that they would be ok. So I keep asking why, WHY my Joey, why not me. I raised my boys I lived my life enjoying taking care and raising my kids. Being with the man of my life since we were 17, who gave me you and your brother and always being a good husband and father. Enjoying my grandchildren.
To keep me here without you that is why and what I don't understand. So many people tell me that there was a reason I am still here. My answer is WHAT, what could I possible do? I had two beautiful kids I loved with all my heart, did the best I could (I know I spoiled you guys) but that is what a mom does. You kids are my life. Why must I know stay here and suffer. You know and Wayne and your father I have always been a good person always helping others, so why make me stay here and be in so much pain without my baby.
I just don't know Joe, that is why I keep questioning.
Well my beautiful baby I will talk to you later. I can't wait until we are reunited once again.
I love you forever and always
Your Mom

My Dearest Beloved Son,

Tuesday is Wayne's Birthday. Then mine and yours. It is not going to ever be the same.
No holiday will ever be the same. I just miss your laugh and smile. I just want to hold you.
Joe I miss you so much. I keep running it over in my mind and it drives me crazy. If it wasn't the holiday and I wasn't in such a rush to get everything ready I would have went in your room and it might have been different. I just keep beating myself up over that.
I just want you here.
I will be with you soon. That's what everyone tells me. I just can't wait.
But that is the only thing that keeps me going.
I love you and miss you.
Love always and forever
Mom

Hi Baby,

 I just wanted to put this in the message I wrote you before.
I am sure you know but I just have to write it to you. (which I hate like Danielle said) I want to be able to call you and talk to you.
Danielle religiously writes to you every month on your anniversary.
She really is someone very special. That is one of the qualities you seen in her. Very Special!
Talk with you later
I love you forever and always
Mom

My Dear Joe,

 

Another day without my beautiful son. I just am so tried of feeling this way. It seems like it is just wearing me out. My mind just cannot focus on anything but you. Everything reminds me of you one way or another.
So many people are suffering with that empty feeling or just something is not right.
Your father is just taking it day by day. Of course there are those very bad days that we just lose it.
He along with me are trying to survive.
It is not easy at all. In fact it is so hard that sometimes we don't even say a word we just look at each other and either cry or walk away.
Joe, sometimes I do get so angry that you are not here. I just don't know why it was you.
Most of the time I just cry and have this emptyness feeling.
And the pain of course, but that will always stay with me, until I am with you.
I love you baby forever and always.
Always Mom

Good morning my sweet boy,

 Time is passing by. It's OK with me the faster the better. Then I will finally be in peace (with you).
Joe, the kids were here yesterday. Aubree, Alexia, and little Wayne III. Amy brought them over to give me my Mother's Day card and it had pictures in it of Aubree's school pictures. Joe you would be so happy and proud of them. They are getting so big and doing so great in school. They miss you so much. Remember they grew up with you.
Little Wayne was in your room playing the x-box. (of course the hulk). You always loved being around them.
Well you always protected them and played with them and of course loved them so much.
It was so nice to spend alot of time with them.
You know they just love Bella.
They gave her alot of exercise yesterday.
See misses you!! I just can't find the time to play with her, it's just not in me right now. But she knows. Your father or when Wayne is here they call her name like you use to. So maybe that help's some way, but she knows something is not right.
I saw Danielle yesterday too. I wanted you to know. She is doing ok I guess.
She just looks or has that sad look on her face. To me she just is not the same. Like something was taken from her. Of course we know, it's you but I can see right through her. She was always bubbling, and that geniune smile and laugh she has. She is just not the same Danielle we know and love her with all our hearts. She will always be our Daughter-in-law like she wrote in the Mother's Day card that she gave me.
She is just so beautiful and wonderful. Danielle will always be with us in this lifetime. And she will always be there if I need her and the same for her I will always be here for her, until I am with you.
She has that article at her station of you in the newspaper and the picture of you and her when you guys were in Orlando.
We all miss you baby.
Well I will talk to you later!
Love you always and forever until we are together again.
Your Mom

Good morning my beautiful son,

 Yesterday was a very bad day for me. I just could not pull myself together. I don't know what it is I was crying uncontrolably. I went right to bed when I came home from work. I just don't want to think anymore.
I am in a catch 22. I have to be here for your brother, but yet I need to be with you. Sometimes I lay in your bed and talk to you. I just have this horrible pain that will not go away, and it won't go away until we are all together again.
I just need to hold you again. You know I love you and your brother more than life itself.
I know how much you love me and that comforts me. I just miss how you always called me Mom, Mom I'm hungry, or Mom let's go to the mall.
You always got me into spending so much money on you, you knew I couldn't say no. Even when you were small.
You got your father good the week before this all happened.
But that is what life is about (YOUR KIDS).
Even food shopping you would always go with me. I always ended up with more in my cart of course. All your goodies.
All I know is that half of my Heart is missing. This emptyness is a terrible feeling. When I had the accident Monday, when the ambulance brought me to the hospital they had so many wire's and hook-ups on me. My blood pressure was very low, and my heart rate was too. I knew that my heart would never beat the same again.
They wanted to keep me in there to watch me overnight on the moniter, but I knew there was nothing they can do for a broken heart.
So of course your father was there and took me home.
All I want to do is function somewhat until I am with you but even that is so hard for me to do on a daily basis.
Well my love I will talk to you later.
Love always and forever!
Your mom always.

Hi, My Sweet Baby,

Joe I am so sick with this emptyness and pain I carry with me everyday.
I hate to wake up in the morning to start all over again.
I really don't know how much more I can take.
I just miss you so much there are no words.
I know you know the love we have between us, so I know you are feeling and would feel the same way.
I am just so tired of waking up every morning to the same thing and feelings all over again.
Of course you know I took your birthday off from work.There would be no way I could work that day.
I rather be home crying, not at work.
Wayne's arm wrestling is also on your birthday.
It lands on a Monday.
You know for sure he is going to bring home another Gold Medal.
He said that one will go in your room.
OK my baby I will talk to you later.
I love you forever and always!
Mom

Hi, My Sweet Boy,

Well I am back to work, but I am very sore. It feels like someone beat me up.
You know Joe I do not care what else happens because the worst thing that could happen already happen to me.
In times like this I just feel worst. I guess more down if that is possible.
I just miss you so much, I just want to talk
with you I miss that so much. Danille came over the other day, when she heard about the accident. She is the best thing that ever happen to you honey. I just wish everything would have been settled. Your brother came over on Mother's Day. You guys are just so sweet when it comes to your mom.
Everyone who has seen my car are saying "Oh my God" How on earth did you come out of that alive. I know in my Heart you had something to do with it.
Just like your brother going into the house on fire and saving that family, getting the "GOLD MEDAL" First place In the Law Enforcement Olympics.
I believe it is you my baby.
All these things happening lately.
We all just miss and love you so very much.
I will talk with you later.
Love you forever and always!
Mom

Hi my sweet boy,

 I did not go to work today, because of the accident yesterday. My head still hurts, back and neck. Joe, I just cannot believe this happened. Your father is so depressed.
Well I guess I will talk to you later.
I love forever amd always
Mom

My Joey,

 

I was on my way to work this morning and the tire blew. The car went all over on I 95. Joe I thought that I was going to be with.It just went out of control. There was a man that saw everything he was right behind me. He held my hand until the ambulance got there. The car is total. I just don't know what to do anymore. Your father came right away to be with me in the hospital. He took me home. And the towing place brought the car home. Your father is just having such a hard time. He just isnt'feeling good. I just don't know. I thought I was going to you.
Your father just is so over whem with everything.
He cant't take it anymore all he keeps saying is you could have died, then what would I do. My son and now my wife.
I am home know from the hospital.
So I guess that I still have to be in pain.
I was not scared at all when the car went so out of control. Because I thought I would be with you.


I will talk to you later.

I love you as always.
love you and miss you Mom
forever and always

Hi my sweet, sweet boy,

I was on my way to work this morning and the tire blew. The car went all over on I 95. Joe I thought that I was going to be with.It just went out of control. There was a man that saw everything he was right behind me. He held my hand until the ambulance got there. The car is total. I just don't know what to do anymore. Your father came right away to be with me in the hospital. He took me home. And the towing place brought the car home. Your father is just having such a hard time. He just isnt'feeling good. I just don't know. I thought I was going to you.
Your father just is so over whem with everything.
He cant't take it anymore all he keeps saying is you could have died, then what would I do. My son and now my wife.
I am home know from the hospital.
So I guess that I still have to be in pain.
I was not scared at all when the car went so out of control. Because I thought I would be with you.


I will talk to you later.

I love you as always.
love you and miss you Mom
forever and always

Hi my sweet boy,

Wayne Jr.came right home after coming from Gainsville. Joe, he won 1st place (THE GOLD MEDAL). I knew he could do it. He went up against 9 champions. He beat them all. Like I said he had alot on his mind. We are so proud of him. We took pictures of it and put them in your room.
We all know that he not only had his heart in it, but he had to put his mind also in it.
The medal is so beautiful. He said the next one will go in your room next to the pictures of you and him.
I love you guys so much, more than my own life, and I did anything for both of you. But both of you know that. I went without so many times so you two could have what you wanted and needed.
My love is so strong for my two kids I just wish and pray ( AND ASK WHY). This horrible thing could happen to us. I don't get an answer but again I just don't understand, we were, we are, such a close family, the 4 of us.
It will always be the 4 of us. When any of us are talking we always refer to the 4 of us. (ALWAYS). It will always be that way until we are all together again.
I just realize that tomorrow is Mother's Day
I don't know what I am going to do, but Wayne said he will be over early in the morning. I have to be strong for him.
That is why Rich came over Thursday night with the flowers and card and it didn't even hit me.
Like I said before I will never celebrate any holiday again. I can't. Not without you here.
Well I will talk to you later,

I love you and miss you
Love Mom forever and always

Hi my sweet boy,

It is 10:45pm Thursday night. I was in bed and your father came in and woke me up to tell me Rich was here. He had a beautiful bouquet and card. For Mother's day. All we did was cry. The card said you were a mom to me in many ways, more than you know and your kindness to all of Joey's friends mean so much to me. That's what I meant when I said to you your friends who were like kids to me my house was always open. They always had so much respect when they came over. I always made sure everyone ate. Everyone misses you so much Joe. My heart aches so much for you and I know you know that, I would give you and your brother everything. I couldn't say no to you guys. I just never knew that one person had so many tears.
You and your brother are my life.
Until I talk to you again.
I love you forever and always
Mom

Hi my sweet boy,

 I miss you so deeply it hurts so much. Your birthday is coming soon. (June) I took the day of work off. I just need to be home. I will not be able to function that day. I don't know what I am going to do, but I will at least be home to mourn and cry all day if I want. Without anyone seeing me and bringing them down. You will be a big 28 years old. Your brother 30 years old at the end of the month. You guys are getting up there. You make me feel old.
I just wanted to tell you that I love and miss you very much.
Love you always and forever until we are together again.
Love Mom

HI MY SWEET BOY,

I HAVE BEEN WRITING ON YOUR WEBSITE ALSO, BESIDES THIS SITE. I WILL WRITE TO YOU WERE EVER YOU ARE. I JUST MISS YOU SUCH MUCH JOE. THERE ARE SUCH WONDERFUL PEOPLE OUT THERE THAT HAVE SO MUCH COMPASSION. THAT IS WHAT REALLY HELPS ALOT. WE STILL HAVE ABOUT 3-4 HUNDRED MORE PICTURES THAT ARE GOING TO GO ON YOUR WEBSITE.
JOE, YOUR FATHER IS VERY ILL NOW. HE WAS SO STRONG THROUGH THIS WHOLE THING TRYING TO HOLD YOUR BROTHER AND ME TOGETHER AND KEEPING EVERYTHING INSIDE. NOW HE IS SO SICK. HE IS KNOW TAKING ULCER MEDICATION. HE CRYS ALL THE TIME JOE AND YOU KNOW YOUR FATHER HE PUTS UP A BIG FRONT. HE SAID TO ME SUNDAY THAT HE IS DYING OF A BROKEN HEART.
BELIEVE ME YOU KNOW WE ALL WILL.
WE JUST MISS YOUR PRESENTS AROUND THE HOUSE.
YOUR LAUGH, SMILE AND YOUR JOKES.
I LOVE YOU BABY.
I WILL TALK TO YOU LATER.
I LOVE YOU FOREVER AND ALWAYS
MOM

I was on the MEM site a few weeks ago looking at my father's website and I saw your son's life story. I am truly overwhelmed at the amount of love and support he had. He is such a blessed man. I feel like I know him and can truly say that he was so much fun to have around. I am sad for your family and I am truly sorry for your loss. You are in my prayers daily. I keep coming back to read your posts because they are so touching and they really move me. GOD BLESS YOU!!!

TO MY SWEET, SWEET BABY,

 I AM JUST VERY ILL JOE. I GUESS YOU NEED ME AS MUCH AS I NEED YOU. I JUST WAKE UP EVERY MORNING AND IT IS THE SAME THING "IT'S REAL". AND I GET SICK ALL OVER AGAIN. I THEN TRY TO MAKE IT THROUGH THE DAY.
OF COURSE THERE IS CRYING EVERYDAY.
I JUST MISS YOU SO MUCH I CAN'T STAND IT.
I NEED TO HOLD YOU.
THANK GOD I TOLD YOU EVERYDAY HOW MUCH I LOVED YOU.
I JUST WAIT FOR THE DAY WE ARE ALL TOGETHER AGAIN.
THERE IS NO LIFE ANYMORE HERE WITHOUT YOU. ALL I CAN DO IS TALK TO YOU EVERYDAY AND WAIT. I WILL NEVER LET YOU GO. I WILL TALK TO YOU LATER.
I LOVE YOU FOREVER AND ALWAYS
MOM