Joseph William DeMatthews

Hi my sweetheart,

What is there to say but I love you with all my heart and miss you. I never knew the pain that someone endures when losing a child. But you and your brother knows me and knows if anything would to happen to either one of you if I was still here that I would die inside. You both knew that. Let me tell you Joe I never excepted this and it is so true the pain in my heart is unbearable and is half missing.
It is true half of me did die that day.
No matter what anyone saids I can't even begin to express it.
Until the day I am with you I will do and say what I feel if it makes me feel that, I need or feel that I have to do what I have to do.
For some reason it seems like it's getting harder if that is possible.
There is just you all over the house.
Joe I know you would be so upset if you saw the condition of me, but you also know that is your Mom. You know that I always kept on eye on you it didn't matter how old you were, I know sometimes you would get mad because I always asked you Joe were are you going, when are you coming home but you knew, because I did all your life.
Your brother is always trying to get me to eat something when I see him. Its not that I don't try, its my insides that are so sick. Even the site of food upsets my stomach. He is just so dear to my heart just like you. He also worries, but I just can't help it and Wayne knows because I would be in the same condition if god forbid it was reversed. I just don't understand and never will WHY just WHY wasn't I taken I lived my life. There are days that I don't think I will make it and then somehow, someone or something pulls me out of it.
When all this happened the first couple of months you know all I did was lay in bed
and those months I don't even remember brushing my teeth. I didn't care about anything.
Well my baby I have to get myself ready for tomorrow. Your big *28* and You would be so excited, and you know there would be a big cake here for you!
I think that is what you would be enjoying the most and your gifts.
I love baby!
I will talk to you later.
Love always and forever!
Your Mom

hi sweetie,

i just was thinking about you so much today.
i just want to hold you.
i miss you so much. i don't know what we are going yo do monday, i know we are going to do the balloons, but after that i don't know what we are going to do.
i hate it so much writing to you instead of talking to you face to face.
i miss your smile so much.
you are so beautiful. so handsome. i just miss everything about you especially your sweetness.
well my baby i will talk to you later.
i love you forever and always
mom

My Son Joe,

Hi my Baby. Well Yesterday went by and it was very hard without you here.
Last night Danielle came over when I came home from work.
Oh Joe, She bought me for my birthday a necklace that was so beautiful there were no words even the card especially what she wrote in it. Words mean alot!
The necklace was a heart shape with diamonds going around it and your picture in it.
(one of her favorite's and mine)
On the back she had it engraved. Of course you know I cryed. I tried to keep most of it in. I just don't know that is all I can say.
There are no words that I can speak to express myself or how I feel. All I know was I was the luckiest and blessed Mom in the whole world to have you and your brother and my grandchildren and two great DAUGHTERS that I never had of my own. But GOD gave me 2.
So even that your life was cut entirely to short when I go I can at least say I had the best family that made up for a person's whole lifetime that anyone could have.
I know that if one of us I don't care which one but if one of us would have done what we all say know what we should've could've things would have been so different. You and Danielle would be married, hopefully Danielle having your baby it would have been the most georgous baby and life would have been the best anyone could ask for. I know you wanted to have kids with her so much only because of our talks.
I just found out that Dad told you 2 days before all this go get your fianace' and bring her home.
All that keeps going on in my head now and I keep thinking if life only took a different turn that you kids would've been back home and saving money for that house you guys wanted to have built that you both wanted.
And things would've changed. We would have been more open,talking alot more and making plans. I would be teaching Danielle to cook even though her father cooks like a chef. I would have love to go shopping with Danielle and picking out things. Everything you know would have been the best. She would be the most beautiful bride anyone layed there eyes on. Remember when we use to watch TV all four of us in my room. Joe you were all about family. You always have been.
We miss you so much and love you with all our hearts.
Well my sweet boy I will talk to you later.
I love you forever and always!
Your Mom

Hi my sweet Boy,

Just a quick I Love You. Today is my birthday but of course you know that. You would be enjoying yourself with cake, but of course I am not going to do anything. The girls at work of course are just so nice. Linda of course had my desk all set up when I came in this morning. Balloons, plant, present with a card I didn't open it yet I will wait until I get home. Patty made cakes.
So it was a nice day at work.
Wayne called me this morning and then the kids called and you know each one of them have to talk.
They just are so cute.
Well baby I will talk with you later.
I love you forever and always,
Love Mom

Dear Joey's Parents,
I am so very sorry for your lost of your baby boy.My heart breaks for you and your family.I can not imagen your pain or myself going through what you are going through right now.But you have to be stong for your husband and your other son that are alive and needing you more then ever before.I have a son and 2 daughters and my prayer to God everday of the year to please never let me go through what you are going through rigth now.You where Bless with the most wonderful gift God could give us and although we know as parents that our children are really never ours they are a gift that God gives us to take for him and they will always belong to God and he knows who and when it is time to take them back .God does not mean to make us hurt but his wisdom is unknown to us.Just take confort in knowing that you will hold your baby again in your arms . Please live your life for your husband and your son Wayne ,I am sure that is what Joey would want for you and your family.Give Joey peace by praying for stenght for yourself and your family.May God Bless you and your family,I am thinking of you all and praying for your recoverier.Joey does LIVE in you and the family.Will be thinking of you on his Birthday, please send him a bouget of ballons up to heaven on his Birthday. May GOD BLESS YOU.I am soOOOOOOOOO very sorryyyyyyyyyyy. A mother that hurts for you and yours and is praying for all of us.
Angela G.

Dear Mrs. DeMatthews,

Losing my baby brother is the hardest thing I have ever been through, but what my mom is going through is unimaginable. I would give anything to be able to give him back to her, let me go instead. Her pain is something only a mother who lost her child knows. She said that after Chris died, everyone tried so hard to comfort her, but it just wasn't possible. Until she talked to someone at Chris' visitation who had also suffered this tragedy with her daughter. She is the only one my mom wanted to talk to. Nobody, I MEAN NOBODY KNOWS YOUR PAIN UNTIL THEY LOOSE THEIR CHILD. Your family and you are doing this the best you can. All in your own ways as does mine. I don't know much about the bible, I just opened it the first time after Chris left. I do believe however that God chose people like you and my mom to be mothers to these special angels because he needed the best ones, the strongest ones to love, teach his most precious angels because he needs them back to help in heaven. So, grieve how you want, for as long as you want, and maybe someday it won't hurt quite as bad. I pray for that all the time for my family and I will pray for you too. The only thing I know to do, is just breathe. If you would like, you can visit my little brothers page, Christopher Dewberry. He was only 23, and one day, he just never woke up. My mom and I read mem everyday, Chris' and others like yours. If you ever need a mom to talk to, mine understands. Someone posted this for Chris and I wanted to pass it along to you.

Just breathe, Allison Dewberry

"I'll lend you for a little time a child of mine," He said.
"For you to love the while he lives and mourn when he is dead,

"It may be six or seven years, or twenty-two or three,
"But will you, till I call him back, take care of him for me?

"He'll bring his charms to gladden you, but should his stay be brief,
"You'll have his lovely memories, as solace for your grief,

"I cannot promise he will stay, since all from earth return,
"But there are lessons taught down there I want this child to learn.

"I've looked the wide world over in my search for teachers true,
"And from the throngs that crowd life's lanes I have selected you.

"Now will you give him all your love, nor think the labor vain,
"Nor hate me when I come to call to take him back again?

I fancied that I heard them say: "Dear Lord, Thy will be done!
"For all the joy Thy child shall bring, the risk of grief we'll run.

We'll shelter him with tenderness; we'll love him while we may,
And for happiness we've known forever grateful stay.

"But should the angels call for him much sooner than we'd planned,
"We'll brave the bitter grief that comes and try to understand."

Joseph,

 I don't know you or your family, but reading your mom's letters to you tell me that you meant the world to so many people, especially her. I think you will get along with my little brother just great. He just got there on March 23, 2006 so maybe you could show him the ropes, if he hasn't already mastered all of them. From what I hear and read everyday over and over, he's ok, but check on him for me. I know that what I read about your beautiful life is only a small fraction of your impact. But just from that, You are obviously a hero to many, as my brother was. There are little things that I believe Chris does for us, to let us know he is still with us. I'm sure you do the same for yours, and don't ever stop because your mom needs that. I know we do.

Dear Joey,

 

It has been lousy weather. It has been raining alot but everyone needs it for their lawn. And because of fires, remember the PSL one. Oh Joey what a mess and all I remember was that you were so worried about your clothes. These days are depressing anyway.
Wayne called me yesterday he is doing OK.
I do so much worry about your father and brother with all my heart and I do try not to show them my pain, emptyness and heartache but no matter what I do they see through me. And I know they are feeling the same way as me and they try to hide it as much as possible. But I see through them too.
You were just such a big part in our life.
Right now they just cannot bring themselves to even write to you yet.
That is why when I write to you I let you know what is going on with them.
Well baby I will talk to you later.
I love you forever and always.
Your
Mom

Dear Mr. & Mrs. DeMatthews & Family,
I visited my husband's memory site this evening and came upon your son's memory page as well. I am so sorry for your terrible loss. How proud you must be to have such a wonderful son. I have never lost one of my children and I cannot begin to comprehend your heartache. Your son touched many lives while living and continues to touch them through his testimony that you keep alive. You are in my thoughts and prayers. I don't know why your son died so young or why my husband was taken through an early death but I do know that one day we will all be reunited and the best part of our lives is yet to come. Mrs. Bert Lindgren

Dear Mrs.DeMatthews,

 From all your messages to your son I can tell he was a very loved young man.But when you said the worst thing in life has already happened to you ,I just had to write and remind you that you still have your other son and your husband that need you very much. You said your husband is taking it very bad and is sick a lot lately and your son is depressed, They need you more than you know. If they could see you get a little better and start to move on in life ,they could get better also.When I lost my husband, my mother and my brother so close to each other ,I thought I could not go on, but I had sons that needed me and I stayed strong for them. I grieved and still do but I knew my loved ones were in Heaven with Jesus and until He was ready for me ,I had to stay here and take care of my sons. And one day my oldest son told me that it was only after he saw me start to heal was he able to. You are letting your other son and husband see nothing but hurt from you and they in turn can feel anything but hurt. Please remember you still have them and they need you.It could be WORSE!!!!!! THEY ARE STILL ALIVE AND NEED YOU TOO. May God Bless you and keep you and yours safe and in his care,I pray you get stronger and realize what you still have here in your life and let God take care of Joseph, I pray your grief will get better.

I read a lot of your messages to your Son and I want to share this poem that I sent to my Niece's Husband when she passed away at age 49. He was so troubled with her death. I know that she would want him to go on with his life.

LOVE FROM YOUR SON IN HEAVEN

They say life is fleeting
I know that this is true
I left this world so quickly
I know it is hurting you.

I know how much you miss me
Your tears fall ever light
The pillow where you lay your head
Is wet with them at night.

I know your heart is hurting
The words we left unsaid
I love you's were left unspoken
are spinning in your head.

The strength that I have carried
That serve to make you whole
Remains to make you stronger
Within your grieving soul.

For you see while you were weeping
An angel came to me
She took my hand, I could not wait
She took me home through Heavens gate.

As I look down from Heaven
I see you standing there
Your heart so ever burdened
With more weight than it can bear.

I long to give you comfort
I long to bring you peace
I long to hold you closely
Cause all your tears to cease.

The joys I've found in Heaven
Goes far beyond compare
The love's thats so elcusive
Can be found everywhere.

The light is softly shinning
There's no storm clouds or rain
Theres no teardrops found in Heaven
Thers no suffering. theres no pain.

You needn't be so troubled
Stay close to God and pray
For someday we'll be together
One bright and glorious day

So, dear Parents, you shouldn't question why
My dear Parents you need not cry
I've gone to be with Jesus
I really didn't die.

Author unknown.

May God give you the strength you need. I am sure that is what your Son would want.

Dear Mrs. DeMatthews:

I visited Joey's website months ago and saw him featured this week. I want you to know I think of Joey often and know how much he meant to you and how hard it is to be without your loved child. It has been a year since my beautiful daughter, Rhonda left us and no, we will never be the same, please don't ever expect to be the same again. But soon you will feel Joey with you and around you, I feel Rhonda with me always. This has taken many months of feeling dead, wanting to die, there is no way to describe it. I too, faithfully pray the rosary. I promised Rhonda I would pray the rosary for her every day and have done that as best I could.

When I was told she had died, I put my rosary around my neck and knew I could not make it through this without the protection of our blessed Mother, who went through exactly what we have had to face. It has kept me walking, talking, thinking.

I think of you and Joey and pray that soon you will feel him so close that you will know he is right beside you. I have many times said that nothing, not even death, can take our children from us. God bless you.

To my beloved Rhonda.

HI, my sweet Baby,

Here you are again being featured on the front page. It just kills me to see you on the computer. I just can't get over it or believe it.
You are just so sweet and a joy to be around.
You know Tuesday is my Birthday and I forgot all about it until I started getting cards and of course I appricate them but I really don't care. Like I told you before I am so empty inside and no feelings since you aren't here to enjoy them with me.
Now the 19th is yours and again like I said I don't know what I am going to do. I took the day off of work like I said but I always buy you a cake with you favorite picture on it since you were little. So I don't know how your father and me are going to handle it. He said he has been preparing for it for awhile to be able to deal with it when it comes.
Your father put a movie in last night from your cabinet in your room full of your cd movies and Joe it was not even open. It still had the plastic on it. You know how everytime you got a movie you had to watch it with your father and me. It was like you couldn't watch it alone or you just wanted us to watch it with us. Or you went to the movies and the movie was so good that when it came out on disc you would buy it and tell us how good it was and then tell us to get ready you have a good movie that we are going to watch tonight.
You would always lay across our bed and Dad would always give you a pillow for your head. Then through the movie Dad would always rub your head.
There are so many things you didn't get to open on Christmas it just makes me feel sicker than I already am (if that is possible).
It kills me to know you were so full of life and always happy and just could't wait for the next thing or day that you were going to do. That is why I don't care about any holiday's without you here. I'm sorry. You always helped me with everything.
I miss the talks we always had. You would tell me everything that happened that day or just what was going on.
Because you know I really never did anything but go to work and come home and make sure everyone ate. (and the house was clean).
But now it is just like life has ended for me. I don't smile or laugh like I use to.
The only time I guess I can really be myself agin is when we are all together again.
I love you so much and miss you always. (every second of everyday I breathe).
I love you forever and always.
Your Mom

Hi my beautiful son,

Just letting you know I am still hanging in here. Believe me it is the hardest thing I have ever did in my life. Never, ever did I expect this horrific accident, nightmare would ever happen to me. Or I would ever be in this condition, or have to be writing to you.
You know Joe I always had the house clean or on the weekends that is what I did, but I just can't it is not in me. It's like I don't even care about it or anything.
Remember I use to say I wish I could cross my arms and close my eyes and every thing would be done. I wish I could still say that to you. But if you were here I would be doing the things I use to on the weekends. I don't even cook anymore.
I wish I had the strenght or ambitious to do it.
But like I said everything was ripped out of me. I am so empty inside. I don't even have any feelings either.
Everyday I go to work I pray, I have those rosary beads from the funeral over my rear view mirror. Your father put them there for me. So I pray on them everyday going to work. I just want to at least find a little peace inside of me and I just can't not without you here always making me laugh or me making you laugh. You telling me stories all the time. Well I will just wait until we are together again.
I love you forever and always.
Mom

Hi My Sweetheart,

Just thinking about you alot today. I don't think it's any different than any other day but, it seems like I am.
Tommorrow is Friday again. It just cannot go fast enough for me and Dad.
He just is not feeling good Joe. You know him, he is never one to complain.
I look at him and I see the saddness in him. And you too guys were such good buddies.
And then when he looks at me it upsets him so much and makes him feel worst than he already does.
Well my sweet baby I will talk with you later.
Love you forever and always.
Your Mom

Hi My Baby,
Just a little note to say I Love You! And of course I miss you so MUCH.
Your Birthday is coming up very soon, a big "28". I will not be at work that day. I think I told you I took it off.
There will be NO way I could work that day.
I don't know how your father's is going to be. He has been talking about it for weeks.
I just want it to be quiet that day with my thoughts. I just don't know how that day is going to be.
For one thing I know it will be very sad!
Well Since everything has happened that horrible day nothing has been the same.
Like I said before I will never celebrate another holiday. It just is not in me or your father and it just won't be the same. You enjoyed them so much. You love having family over and laughing and eating and just talking or going in the pool.
Well my Baby I will talk to you later.
I love You forever and always,
Your Mom Always

Hi My sweet Baby,

I am trying so hard to make it through the weekends. It hard enough during the week, but the weekends are horrible.
That is when I would see you all weekend. Have our talks, ask me what I was cooking.
I just miss everything. I just want to hold you and don't let go. I still cannot believe this is final. I just can't except it I guess. (and I won't).
It just seems like yesterday. "I DO NOT" count the days or the months I just can't.
I wait for you to come through the front door or call me. I never will except it until I am with you. The other day I was in bed and I heard you call my name Mom like you always did. It was so real that I picked my head up to look out into the doorway. Then of course I started crying because I realized that it was just in my head or habit or I just wanted to hear you so bad I thought I heard you call me.
I just need you home.
Well my Love I will talk to you later.
I love you forever and always
Mom

Good morning my beautiful boy,

I miss you so much I can't stand it much longer. The ache I have inside just will never go away. Even the ulcer medication that the Dr. prescribed for me after putting me through all these tests is just not working. Your father takes them for his stomach.
It doesn't help either. Nothing can heal a broken HEART or body.
Like I said before the mornings are like a nightmare I hate to get up and start all over again. Until the day is over and go to bed. I just miss seeing you around the house, eating, and asking me if your pants or your certain shirt is washed. Of course your smile no matter what you always had that smile. Your pictures are all over the house but it's just not the same as holding you.
I just want to hold you. My Heart aches for Danielle also. She is so empty inside. No feeling, no emotion, we just exsist. (I guess).
What a life. Alot of our days are just being fake and that is not her or me. She had so much life in her. (Just like you).
But when two people are bound to be together for life no matter what it is just so hard to continue without your other half. I know if the roles were reversed you would be the same way. No one could help you but her. No matter what anyone would say. She would have your heart with hers always no matter what.
So when it is our time or we are called we will then all be together. Then both of you will be complete.
I love you baby forever and always
Mom

Dear Debbie,

I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your son... My five year old daughter passed away on 9-5-04 and I too know the heartache and pain that the loss of a child brings. I know that there isn't anything that I can say to ease your pain and that words will never be able to express the depth of what you feel...

One day at a time and focusing on the good memories have helped me get this far...

Please contact me if you ever want to talk...

Tammy,

Proud Mom to:

^j^ Zoe and Zurik


*No Person is Ever Truly Alone*

No person is ever truly alone.
Those who live no more,
Whom we loved,
Echo still within our thoughts,
Our words, our hearts.
And what they did
And who they were
Becomes a part of all that we are,
Forever.

Richard Fife~