Joseph William DeMatthews

Hi my sweet boy,

Joe, I just don't know what to do. I am tried of feeling sick, no energy, crying all the time. My mind just race's. I just don't want to believe that you are not coming through the front door. I am having such a hard time at work. I guess I need to just hold you, talk with you, laugh, see your smile and your sweetness. We have your picture all over the house. Wayne does to. He had some made enlarge with you and him. Even the ones when you guys were little.
I wear your ring around my neck all the time, I don't take it off. Of course it does not fit on my finger. Dad had decals made up and everyone has them on their car.
We also have the picture of you that we got from the funeral home with your bio on it and it's lamanated. We all have that on the front of our dashboard of our cars.
I just miss you terribly and the emptyness is overwhelming. I never knew you could have a feeling like this or that one exsist. I hate the way I feel I just go to work and come home and go to bed.
I feel lost. Their are no words that can explain how I feel, but I know once we are all together I know those feelings will disappear.
You and Wayne are my life and part of it is missing.
I know people tell me it will get easier or I will just learn to live with these feelings but I can't see that happening.
Until we are together again is all I have to hold on to.
I don't know what the reason was for this but, all I can say is that your the best and I guess you were needed. I needed you more than GOD knows.
I love you with all my heart! (and soul)
I miss you with all my heart!
Until I talk to you later.
Stay warm
I love you forever and always
Mom

HI MY BABY,

 I AM STILL HAVING A HORRIBLE TIME WITHOUT YOU. I AM STILL SICK ALL THE TIME, I STILL CRY ALL THE TIME. I TOLD YOUR FATHER SO MANY TIMES THAT OUR LIFE IS OVER. IT'S LIKE YOU TOOK A LARGE PIECE OF US WITH YOU. IF IT WASN'T FOR WAYNE I DON'T KNOW WHAT WE WOULD DO.
I WAIT UP EVERY MORNING AND IT IS LIKE A BIG BRICK THAT HITS ME IN THE FACE. IT IS JUST KILLING ALL OF US.

I WANT TO TALK TO YOU EVERYDAY LIKE WE USE TO. I MISS THAT.
I MISS COMING HOME FROM WORK AND SPENDING TIME WITH YOU.
I MISS THE TALKS WE HAD. SO MANY TIMES I GO TO CALL YOUR CELL PHONE AND I START CRYING BECAUSE I REMEMBER. (IT'S REAL)
I JUST CANNOT ACCEPT IT---- I GUESS I NEVER WILL. THE EMPTYNESS I HAVE INSIDE IS JUST A HORRIBLE FEELING. YOU WERE MY BABY.
I JUST CAN'T WAIT UNTIL WE ARE ALL TOGETHER AGAIN.
YOUR ROOM IS THE SAME, YOUR CAR IS HOME, DAD IS GOING TO GET A COVER TO PUT OVER IT.
ITS LIKE EVERYTHING IS STILL THE SAME BUT YOUR NOT THERE. YOU OF ALL PEOPLE ENJOYED LIFE SO MUCH. YOU HAD SO MUCH GOING FOR YOU. YOU STILL HAD SO MUCH TO DO.
I JUST BARELY MAKE IT ON A DAILY BASIS.
I WILL NEVER EVER BE THE SAME.
YOU ARE ALWAYS IN MY HEART AND WITH ME.
I LOVE YOU FOREVER AND ALWAYS
MOM

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HI SWEETIE,

ALMOST FINSIHED 1 WEEK AT WORK.

TOMORROW IS FRIDAY. I ALMOST MADE IT AND BELIEVE ME I THINK IT WAS ONE OF THE HARDEST THINGS I HAVE DONE.
WELL JUST WANTED TO TALK TO YOU. YOU KNOW ME I HAVE TO TALK TO YOU EVERYDAY.
ALSO OF COURSE I LOVE YOU AND MISS YOU SO MUCH.
LOVE YOU FOREVER AND ALWAYS
MOM

HI SWEETIE,

IT'S WEDNESDAY IT'S MOM JUSTING CHECKING IN. MY FIRST DAY BACK TO WORK WAS VERY HARD. I HAD TO STAY FOCUS. BUT WHEN I LEFT WORK AND GOT IN THE CAR I CRIED ALL THE WAY HOME. I JUST CAN'T GO ON AS IF NOTHING HAS HAPPENED TO OUR FAMILY. SO I JUST HAVE TO TAKE IT DAY BY DAY.
I GUESS I HAVE TO TRY AND GET INTO SOME KIND OF ROUTINE.
I JUST BURY MYSELF INTO MY WORK AND WHEN I FIND MYSELF DRIFTING AWAY I JUST SAY A PRAYER.
WELL I LOVE YOU SO MUCH AND I WILL TALK WITH YOU LATER.
LOVE ALWAYS AND FOREVER
MOM

Dear Mom of Joseph I just want to tell you that i am so sorry for your lost and i write my sister all the time to and it does seem to help i don't know how your son passed but i know how hard it is on you. When my twin sis passed it was like my whole world stopped and everyone else was still doing there thing and i felt that they have forgot about my sis or just didnt care but i know life does go on and its hard but with Jesus you can do all thing if you would like to look at my twins her this is

her last name is dobbs
first name is feleica
and it will take you to hers

God Bless you and your family
broken hearted twin
lisa

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I firmly believe that angels walk among us. Many people are blessed with knowing someone so special that when they leave this earth it hurts. The pain is so enduring that it can become unbearable. It is unbearable enough to break your heart. The body is a vessel that has a soul. The soul will leave the body when it is time to go because the soul feels no pain. A decision is made to go to a better place. Angels know where this place is. You never know just how much time you have with an angel, but the time spent with them is always the best. Cherish the good times and the memories and it will always conquer your dismay. The uneasy part is to keep things inside of you for the rest of your life, but only time will ease your pain. Do whatever it takes to make it through each day, always have the strength for yourself and find the strength to help others. It’s not a natural thing to lose a child as a parent before your time, but if someone has accomplished more things, touched so many, and excelled to be perfect, then it is a complete life for them. Days of a perfect life can only be the greatest days you are with someone. Knowing someone for a short time that can leave an impact on you for the rest of your life is the greatest thing you could ever imagine. It is an honor. An angel will always wipe away the tears on you because there are no tears in heaven. Although we suffer without them it is a better life where they are. Although you may not see them, they are always with you. Many things can complicate your mind, but always remember the love and the time you will always share together with a loved one near and far. If you were to ask and Angel what to do, I bet the answer from them would be to challenge yourself to be strong, and to find in some way an everlasting goal to pursue a healthy, happy life. Whenever and however you get there is the start. That’s all your Angel would want you to do.
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To Joe,
I know many are there for you because you are never alone. Here on earth, you will always be missed by your family and friends. I also know you have a whole new group of friends. I know someone who was there for you. When you see Carly, tell her I love her.

Carly’s Dad

I happened across your beautiful memorial to your son Joseph when I came to visit the MeM site for my son Corey and daughter in-law Michelle. (Corey & Michelle James)

I am so very, very sorry for the loss of your precious son and that you too, have to know the pain of losing your beloved child. I can easily see from reading all your tributes to your son, how very loved he is and the depth of your pain. As I read your words to your son, I could not help but feel the similarities in our thoughts and feelings. I am always so sorry to come across another parent who has lost their child, for it is an agony that we will carry with us for the rest of our lives.

I lost my only son Corey at the age of 20 and his beautiful wife Michelle (22) on 8/17/2003. They were killed one day shy of their 3 month anniversary. Corey and Michelle were killed in a horrific auto accident out in Arizona on Highway 79 which was under construction at the time. The road had been milled two days prior on 8/15 and as a result of the milling, the AZ heat and the travel on that road, huge pot holes (over 27) 4-5 feet wide and 2-4 inches deep, opened up in the road. The speed limit remained at 65 mph and there was only one sign posted that said to expect delays because of construction. There was no way that Corey and Michelle could prepare for what was to happen. It is felt that because of the loose asphalt all over the road, Corey lost control of his truck, hit a pothole and was spun almost 180 degrees into oncoming traffic, hit head on by a semi, pushed backwards over 100 feet, flipping their truck onto it's roof. Corey's truck caught fire with he and his wife inside and because of their location (Florence,AZ), it took over 20 minutes for fire trucks to respond. It is believed that my son and his wife were killed on impact.

The accident occurred in Arizona where Corey was stationed with the Air Force at Davis-Montha AFB, Tucson. Because of the nature of the accident, we were never given the chance to see them one last time, to hold them, to kiss them....

It will be 32 months on the 17th since their lives were taken from them and their families. There is not a single, waking second that I am not thinking of them, grieving for them, missing them and still wanting to know why?? The ache in my heart and soul will never heal until that blessed day comes that I can see them again.

I wish that there were some way that I could ease your pain, but I know that you will always miss your son Joseph and always wish that you could change things. I think that as a mom, that is one of the hardest things to accept, that we cannot "fix" this, we cannot change what happened, we cannot bring them back. As their moms, we were always able to make things better, but losing our children was beyond our control. We feel guilty and it takes a very long time to come to realize that there was nothing that we could do to prevent this. We live with the "what ifs" and "if onlys". God knows, we would give our own lives, if only our children were allowed to live theirs! We feel guilty for eating, guilty if we smile, guilty for even breathing!

I can tell you though, this guilt will ease with time. It takes time to come to the realization that just as our children's deaths were beyond our control, so is the fact that we wake up every morning, even though we pray that we won't. It is out of our hands, out of our power, out of our control.

I don't know if you have heard of TCF (The Compassionate Friends), but it is a group consisting of grieving parents, such as ourselves. I have found great comfort in being with others who understand and know the pain I feel. TCF has been a life line for my husband and I, to have a place we can go where everyone there understands our pain, our thoughts and our feelings. A place where we can share our tears and pain with people who truly understand. TCF has chapters all over the country and there should be one in your area, if you think it would be something that you might want to try.

I have also found comfort in reading books about Life After Death. For the first few months after losing my son Corey and his wife Michelle, I must have read over 50 books on grieving, loss of a child.... I really thought that I would find an answer in one of them as to how to stop the pain! I desperately wanted to stop the pain in my heart, but soon came to realize that they all said the same thing....you NEVER get over the pain of losing your child. It was then than I turned to reading books on life after death. I found the greatest comfort in the following books:
Our Children Forever
Love Never Dies
We Are Not Forgotten
Lessons From The Light
Walking In The Garden Of Souls
Love Beyond Life
Children Of The Dome
After Life

In closing, (I am sorry this is so long), I would like to say that my heart goes out to you and that you and Joseph will be in my thoughts and prayers always. If you would like, please feel free to email me at any time. If there is anything that I can do to help you through each day, I would be more than happy to be there for you.

Sincerely,
Donna-Corey's Mom

Hello I don't know who you guys are but i was going to go to my twin sisters website on here and i saw your son and i just wanted to let you know my heart goes out to your whole family and may you find peace with God

See i lost my twin sister on Aug 29 04 she went to sleep and never woke up again so i know the pain you are going though so please if you want to write me my email address is twins4ever38@aol.com

God Bless You and Yours
Lisa

I am so sorry your son sounded like the perfect gentlemen. It breaks my heart whe i read when someone loses a child . No matter what age .I have three daughers who I love deeply and I know if I lost one of them how I would feel I lost a niece in 2005 her name is Sara Losasso and she was like a daughter to me and the pain is very deep I miss her so much and think of her constantly and my heart aches so bad for my sister because if I hurt this bad imgaine how she feels.Talk about your son all the time to who ever will listen I love to talk about Sara. You will be in my prayers.
Yours Truly,
Kristy Noyes

I look at Joey's picture and can't help but smile he is such a beautiful young man, and of course I can also feel the pain that is tearing your family apart. Our family experienced that very pain when we lost our son Zachary 3 years ago March 31, 2003. He had just turned 25 on March 7th that year and was the light of our life. If anyone had asked me if I could go on living if something would have happend to Zach I would have said that would not have been possible. But, here it is 3 years later and I am still living, and actually able to get through a day without crying now, an amazing acomplishment, something I never thought I would ever be able to do. You are a very strong woman, how do I know that? Because you are still here, because you get up every morning, because you come to this site every day and write to your precious Joey to make sure he is doing alright. You do that because in your heart you know that his spirit is alive and well and it is. My bond with my Zach is so strong that death has not broken that bond and he communicates with me in so many ways and continues to do so and I bet that Joey does the same with you. I want you to know that he will continue to be with you always and won't go away and you don't have to fear that. I'll give you an example of something that just happened. Zach's brother lives in New York and we always are together around the time Zach left us to go home. This year when we were in New York the weather was so beautiful and as we were walking down the street I was telling my husband we were exactly where Zachary wanted us to be. I stopped for a few minutes and I turned around and looked up at the store behind me. Well, you can imagine my shock when I saw the name of the store was Zachary's Smile. Little things like this happen all the time so I know my boy really hasn't gone anywhere. Of course I would much rather have him here with me. He was so funny, so loving, so kind, so beautiful, but if I can't have him with me here one earth, it is wonderful knowing that he is close by and he lets me know he is here for me. I hope someday you will be able to feel Joey all around you, but I know you have to grieve and the pain takes a long time and nothing anyone says makes any sense. The one thing I could wrap my head around was that God wouldn't give me something so beautiful and then take it away for no reason whatsoever, there had to be a reason for Zach's death and there has to be a reason for Joey's death, we just don't know what that reason is and won't know until we reach heaven. Until that time you have to take care of yourself and of Joey's brother and of your husband, but especially yourself. I wish I could make the hurt go away but I know I can't, I just want you to know that I am thinking of you and if you ever need to talk to someone who knows how much it hurts I will be here to listen. If you would like a book to read I think I bought almost everyone on the subject of losing a child and would be glad to mail them to you. Some are good, some are OK, some, are well, just books. Joey knows you love him, now you need to love yourself.

Zach's Mom
Dianne Proctor

To: The Joseph William DeMatthews family..

I recentally lost my nephew Larry Gene Noles and was visiting his site last nite when i saw urs as a feature story..i have never been so touched in all my life as i was with his story and how amazing his mom is...I have 2 sons 23 and 25 and they both still live with me and omg i get so aggravated with them sometimes but since i have read all the things that have been said about joseph it truly makes me think about things... i have lost 3 dear nephews in 10 yrs and the last was the closest i hope i will ever come to losing a child..he was always here and had a rough life and i felt like i had to take care of him and make sure he always had something to eat..a place to stay or whatever little gene needed ..he was my saviour in a lot of ways..he worried about me as well...but last nite when i read ur sons story i left my usual story to my nephew but was so compelled to get back up and say something to ur dear family..i went on to bed and all day all i could think of was u guys..checking ur site and readin every loving word that everyone has written to him...i know that u have the most horrible hurt in ur heart that will always be there..i pray to God i will never have to go thru that as i said Gene was like my own son..I will pray for u all and hope it gets better for u but like me its all so fresh till u look for his car in the drive or call the cell fone or listen for the door to shut and think that he is there..but i know that he is with all of u as my nephew is with us..life is so lonesome without them here.., i have good days and bad days..funny thing i was gonna take a trip to the outter banks of nc the weekend he died and he told me he was gonna take a trip also..little did i know it was to heaven...i believe he was tellin me something then but i just thought he was going to a new job and of course he did in heaven...anyways God Bless every single member of ur family..i can tell joseph was a very loved child..love and prayers to all of u..Esp MOM...keep writing to him i believe he reads them every day and thrives on hearing from u every day...

Dear Ms DeMatthews,

 I'm sorry for the loss of your beautiful baby boy. I read every message you have written to him and i can understand why God had taken him first. I know they say no parent should have to barrie their child . But i think your son would have never been able to handle lossing his mother or anyone else that he loved so much. Only you know how strong your son was. I can tell how close he was to you just by the way you talk to him , im sure he was definity a mamas boy.I bet he misses your big breafast! Your a very strong lady and i pray for you and your family.I would love to read more about your son and the silly things he did to make you laugh. He was very lucky to have you as a loving , caring mother and i bet he misses you just as much. My heart also goes out to his wife, what a beautiful couple. Im sure joseph will be happy to see you go on with your life , im sure he doesnt want any of you to be unhappy. God bless you

Dear Family of Joseph DeMatthews - - know that you are not alone. I lost my son, Elliot Larson (also on this website), one month ago tomorrow. I feel like I will die of a broken heart. I am lost. I feel hopeless, helpless, broken. My son was only 16 and the loss of his life is so unfair. But know that there are other people who share in your grief. You are not going crazy. I will pray for you, that you will find peace and comfort, somehow. God bless you.

Jeanne Callahan

To Joey Family
I am so sorry for your loss I was going to visit my niece Brittany Scalesse and seen Joey as a featured life story and read his Bio and the tributes I noticed that his Mom writes to him every day I also write to my niece Brittany as much as I can. This is a great site to communicate with the one that you have lost. When you loss a child the pain is so deep you feel there is no light at the end of the tunnel but there is
Here is a peom somebody gave my family when Brittany passed I wanted to pass it onto you I hope this helps God Bless

Although your heart is hurting

And you feel you can't go on

Know in that very moment

To Joey's mom - I lost my son, too, and the pain was more than I could bear. I can see it is the same for you. And like everyone else has said, it won't ever go away, but you will learn to live with it. I know this sounds strange but i found a medium who was able to connect me with my son - she told me some things that no one could have possibly known and I truly believe she was talking to my son. He told me some things that have brought so much comfort to me, I wish you would give her a try. Her name is Carla Mae and she has a website: www.carlamae.com. You can talk to her over the phone and I'll bet she'll be able to talk to Joey. He is there with you - he will always be there with you. You're in my thoughts and prayers.

My Dear Joe,

 

I AM SORRY I MISSED A DAY. ALL DAY YESTERDAY I THOUGHT WAS SUNDAY. I BASICALLY STAY IN BED ALL DAY. I WAS READING THE BIBLE. TRYING TO GET SOMETHING OUT OF IT OR TRYING TO FEEL BETTER. I JUST WANT TO HOLD YOU. MY BABY I JUST MISS YOU SO MUCH THAT I CAN'T EVEN BEGIN TO EXPRESS. I KNOW YOU KNOW THAT. AT LEAST THAT WAS ONE THING THAT YOU AND YOUR BROTHER KNOW THE LOVE I HAVE FOR YOU TWO GUYS ARE SO SPECIAL THAT THERE ARE NO WORDS. YOU GUYS ARE MY LIFE. ALWAYS WILL BE. I JUST CAN'T WAIT TO BE WITH YOU AGAIN. MY INSIDE'S JUST ARE SO EMPTY AND I FEEL SO LOST MOST OF THE TIME. I STILL WAIT TO HEAR THE FRONT DOOR THINKING YOU ARE COMING IN. WELL MY SWEET BOY I WILL TALK TO YOU LATER.
I LOVE YOU FOREVER AND ALWAYS.
MOM

Dear Joseph,

When God sends one of his Angels to earth we celebrate it, calling it the birth of a child.
What I’ve learned is that these Angels were sent here to perform a chore for God as we all were. When they complete their chore, God rewards them by calling them home to Paradise, which we humans call Heaven. Sometimes these Angels complete their chores at a young human age and then God rewards them by calling them home to Paradise sooner then we expect or want him to. As humans we don’t understand how God can call a young man home so young because we are taught that it’s not normal to out live our children. But the truth is we are all God's children and this special Angel completed his chore on earth and was rewarded by God and is in Paradise now waiting for us. Somewhere we all dream of being someday. Joseph is so much like my son mentioned below. A true gift of God.
To your parents, the pain is the greatest pain any person can or should have to feel.
It’s a pain that never ends. We live with it every day of our human life. We ask the BIG question WHY, How could God take my child. Please try to understand as I try to understand every day of my life. We were blessed to be chosen by God to raise one of his special Angels. However they are only a loan from God. We have to thank God for choosing us to raise these special Angels. He rewards this Angel and calls this Angel home ahead of us, leaving us wondering, why. You see no matter how much it hurts us, its only because we are human, and the real fact is our loved one was not taken away from us but rewarded by Our Father in Heaven and now waits for us in Paradise. Someday we will all be together again, and only then will we understand the BIG question WHY. My Angel Christopher Thomas Picco was called home on October 24, 2002 at the young age of 14, and this is what I have to believe in order to be with him again, so with that thought. I hope it helps you try to understand. Please feel free to visit my Angel on this sight as well. I only share this with special families and now you have become one of them.

Words for a grieving Parent to live by

I will grieve as much and for as long as I feel like grieving, and I will not let others put a time table on my grief.

I will grieve in whatever way I feel like grieving, and I will ignore those who try to tell me what I should or should not be feeling and how I should or should not be behaving.

I will cry whenever and wherever I feel like crying, and I will not hold back my tears just because Someone else feels I should be "brave" or "getting better' or "healing by now."

I will talk about my child as often as I want to, and that I will not let others turn me off just because they can't deal with their own feelings.

I will not expect family and friends to know how I feel, understanding that one who has not lost a child cannot possibly know how it feels.

I will not blame myself for my child's death, and I will constantly remind myself that I did the best job of parenting I could possibly have done. But when feelings of guilt are overwhelming, I will remind myself that this is a normal part of the grief process and it will pass.

I will not be afraid or ashamed to seek professional help if I feel it is
necessary.

I will commune with my child at least once a day in whatever way feels comfortable and natural to me, and that I won't feel compelled to explain this communication to others or to justify - or even discuss it - with them.

I will try to eat sleep and exercise every day in order to give my body strength it will need to help me cope with my grief.

I will know that I am not losing my mind and I will remind myself that loss of memory, feelings of disorientation, lack of energy and a sense of vulnerability are all normal parts of the grief process.

I know that I will have to heal for my other children, even though it will take a long time I will let myself heal and not feel guilty about feeling better.

I will remind myself that the grief process is circuitous-that is, I will not make steady upward progress. And when I find myself slipping back into the old moods of despair and depression, I will tell myself that 'slipping backward" is also a normal part of the grief process and these moods, too, will pass.

I will try to be happy about something for some part of every day, knowing that at first, I may have to force myself to think cheerful thoughts so eventually they can become a habit.

I will reach out at times and try to help someone else, knowing that helping others will help me to get over my depression.

Even though my child is dead, I will opt for life, knowing that is what my child would want me to do.

Thank You from one Grieving Parent to another for reading this.

GOD BLESS YOU AND YOUR ANGEL
Eugene L. Picco

I know that you do not know me. I visited the MEM site today, and saw your son's life story featured. I would like to express my sympathy to you and your family. I cannot begin to imagine the pain and suffering that you have endured. It is so remarkable, and with so much love, that you write to your son on a daily basis. I hope when the time comes, and I have children, I will be able to possess the love for my own children, that you have for your son. I hope that as time progresses, you will find comfort and your grief will lessen. You, and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

I forgot to mention that there are 2 mem sites for both of my sons. The one set up for Byron by Steven, Holly and I is titled by their name and then the words "A Family Memorial".
The initial site for Byron that was given to their Dad and myself by the funeral home was taken over by their Dad's wife and she removed the only three pictures on the site that included me in it and any tributes mentioning me. I never understood why since the majority of her 12 pictures on the site at the time were of her wedding to my former husband and I didn't mind that. My 3 pics were of me and Byron.
So Steven, Holly and I pulled our money together and purchased our own site. Then after Steven's death everyone had to purchase their own sites.
Believe it or not I truly wish the stepmom could get past her undue feelings toward me and allow her husband, the father of my only 3 children, to visit or talk with Holly, his only remaining full blooded sibling to Byron and Steven.
I truly feel it would help the Step Mom and I both to do the things at the cemetery together.
Maybe that is why I am still here, to get things better with everyone.

Love in Christ and in memory of my 2 deceased sons:
Ernest BYRON Dykes Jr. (A Family Memorial)
Steven Ray Dykes (A FAmily Memorial)

To the Mother of Joseph De Matthews.

Your son is truly a handsome young man. I know you are so proud to be called his Mom.
I lost my oldest son Byron Dykes May 16, 2004, he had just turned 24 the previous month. He and some friends were going swimming and a deer ran out in front of his vehicle killing him almost instantly, permanently paralizing Ashley the girl in the seat behind him, injuring Whitney's head and spinal cord who was also in the back seat and only scratching Cory who sat in the front seat.
Losing Byron was as if the main valve to my survival had been removed. I knew I would die of a broken heart or merely go insane in a matter of time.
Instead my only other son Steven Dykes would be killed in a separate car wreck 2 almost 3 months later.
When my mother passed away 3 weeks after Steven's death I had no emotions or feelings left to feel.
I had cried so much that my throat stayed sore for several months. I never knew crying could do that.
But I have good news, although NO, the pain will never go away or even ease up - the pain will not change - instead you change. Every where you go the pain and the loss goes with you but it becomes a familiar presence and feeling and you learn to live with it and to try to live a life that will make your son proud of you became in your worst hour.
Only 6 months before my first sons death he had mailed a card to me telling me how strong I am and that he knew I did not see myself that way but he does and that there would be times that I thought I would not be able to make it through but to know that he was always there. It seemed after his death that he his soul knew his time was near and left me with many things to comfort me once the time came. The same with my second son Steven. It comforts me to look at all of the the good things God did to help make the loss as comforted as possible. I am sure if you will think back you too will find things your son said and did the last year and possibly even the last 2 years that brought the two of you closer than ever and left you with wonderful memories that are to last you for the rest of life.
15 years ago my brother was in a car wreck which took his only 2 small children, his future wife and her only son. My brother was a soul survivor. For the past 15 years I had watched him suffer beyond belief and i made up my mind that I did not want to be like him. I did not want to be known as "that's the mom who lost her only 2 sons". I chose to be remembered as "that is Byron and Steven Dykes Mom, that is where they got their strength from".
Know that you can be with your son for all eternity and that you can have the assurance that all is well with him. Seek the guidance of the scritures daily and always pray for him to receive the knowledge and guidance he now needs on this part of his journey. I know you must doubt that he is with you now but I know he is. He walks with you each step you take though he has his own journey to meet he does not desire progression while you still need his presence.
My sons have been gone almost 2 years and we finaly went to the Atlanta Temple to do their Temple work for them last month in which we helped them to cross the gulf and they are now helping other spirits there in the spirit world.
I had not realized just how much I felt their presence until after I'd done their work so they could progress and the next day I kept feeling an emptiness or space around me when it finally occured to me at how much I had been feeling their presence and now I felt they had gone to work, that they'd still be by to visit but theyr are real busy on an important job. It is such a peaceful feeling that I'd never expected. A feeling I wish to help you gain.
You can be with your son forever and all eternity our Heavenly Father first made man knowing his full plan.
I will pray for you and that you receive peace and may you receive visits from your son in your sleep. Know that I believe the dreams we have of our sons are visits that God allows us. Study your scriptures daily so as to be close to the Holy Spirit and more capeable of receiving these revelations.

Love in Christ
and in Memory my two sons
Ernest BYRON Dykes Jr. and
Steven Ray Dykes