Joseph William DeMatthews

Hi my Sweet Baby,

I just got done writing on your website.
I just wanted to tell you how much I love and miss you. I know I tell you that everyday but I hate to have to do it this way now.
Joe everyone misses you so much. Your kindness, smile, gentleness and your innocents.
Big Joe as your friends called you. To me you are and always will be my beautiful, sweet baby boy.
I just cannot wait until we are reunited.
It is the same here Joe nothing has changed except your not here.
So our life is on a day to day basis.
We don't do anything. We just can't.
Alot of friends and family members invite us over but we don't go only because we do not want to ruin their good time not because we don't want to.
I just can't enjoy myself or put on a fake smile that is not who I am.
I have nothing to be happy about.
Well my sweet boy I will talk to you later.
I love you forever and always.
Mom

Hi My Sweet Angel,

Just wanted to tell you how much I miss and Love you.
Dad and I went to church this morning.
It got to him today. He really isn't feeling that great today and he his very quiet.
He misses you so much Joe. You know him he keeps everything inside.
Plus he started cleaning out the garage last week and alot of your things were in there.
That bothered him so deeply.
You just left us so empty, we don't know what to do.
But look at each other and cry.
Sometimes he will yell or curse and say I want my baby back.
We just cannot believe this happened to us.
But we will be together soon.
I love you forever and always!
Mom

Hi my sweet baby,

You know Joe, that lately I have been experiencing some things that are happening around the house. You know me I don't believe in any of that stuff.
But lately I can't ignore it. First of all I came home after being at Danielle's and went into my room and Dad was on the other side of the bed sitting and I went to put my stuff down and my cell phone rang and I answered it and it was your brother.
So I sat on the bed and all of a sudden my fan went on you know the one next to my bed that is very, very hard to turn on and for that second I looked at Dad and he looked at me and I couldn't even talk to Wayne.
Then I will come into Wayne's old room, the office to go on the computer and the whole room smells of your cologne.
I just don't know what is going on but I am here baby waiting to be with you.
Also your bedroom door was locked the other day and Dad had to find the key.
The phone has been ringing and coming up NO DATA and no one will answer.
I have been praying so much everyday that it has become a part of my day.
Well my love I will talk to you later.
I love you forever and always
See you Soon.
Mom

Hi My Angel,

How are you today. It's just the same with me. I miss talking to you.
I have been going into your room more than usually and just talking to you.
For now that is the only thing I can do for now.
I just hate it so much. I loved looking at your beautiful smile and hearing your laugh.
You are just so full of life and enjoyed it so much.
That's what kills me.
The sweetness and gentleness I miss.
Well my baby I will talk to you later.
I love you forever and always.
Mom

Hi my sweet boy,

Everything is the same today. Nothing has changed.
Just that I miss you so much. I just want to hold you and not let go. That will never change until I am with you again.
The kids start back to school tomorrow already.
Joe they are just getting so big.
This year is going so fast I can't believe it.
But you know this christmas will be 1 year and our favorite holiday and I am not going to celebrate it. I'm sorry I just can't not without you.
I don't even remember this past one.
THANK GOD.
Well my baby I will talk to you later.
I love you forever and always
Mom

Hi my sweet Angel,

You know Joe, since all of this I do not dream, "Thank God" but this morning I woke up with a terrible dream. Actually it woke me up.It was that you were missing and someone told me you were no longer here. I started screaming in my dream telling them they are lying.. I continued to run around and look for you.
I was screaming your name out as I was running around looking for you. But you didn't answer. I started to get nervous but I kept looking.
I knew I would find you.
And I guess that's what woke me up. When I woke up I realized that it was a dream and it was also real.
I hate it so much waking up in the morning.
I wish so much that it really was just a dream.
So of course now I begin another day of pain and sorrow. And having that dream on my mind wishing that, thats all it was a dream.
I just wish all this pain, emptyness, sorrow, hurtful, depression, and so many other feelings would just go away.
But I guess they won't until we are together
again.
I love you forever and always!!!!!!!!
Your Mom

---

Good morning my sweet Son,

How are you doing today? Joe I don't know what I am feeling lately but you know I do not believe in any of that stuff.
But for some reason yesterday I was looking at you picture while the computer was coming up. I have your picture on it as the screen saver.
I was just starring at you like I always do and it was like you came into me or put something in my head.
This is the first time since all this happened.
But it could have been I imaged it.
But for some reason I have an answer to something that had happened.
It is so weird.
Well baby I have to go to the Dr's again. This morning. I am sick of going to Dr's appts.
I will talk to you later.
I love you forever and always!!!
Mom

Hi my sweet ANGEL,

Just wanted to say I love you.
As always! Dad has been kinda depressed lately.
You have been on his mind alot.
Everything he does or goes reminds him of you. His Buddy. Is what he always is saying.
My Buddy.
Well my sweetness I will talk to you later.
I love you forever and always!
Mom

Good Morning my Sweet Angel,

I just wanted to tell you I love you so much and miss holding you.
This will be short because I have a Dr's appt this morning.
I just hate morning as you know because than I have the whole day to feel like this and it seems so long.
I just want to hold you again.
There are so many things that go on during the course of the day and I go to call you on your cell or want to call your name out and I can't.
That is one of the things I hate about all this. You know I pray everyday and last week the Dr. told me that I was falling backwards again and losing the couple of lbs. that I did get back. He said he didn't know to much about these things, but he said why don't you pray to Joey. Ask him for the strenght. He would not want to see you going down hill or be in this condition.
I know he is right about that. So Joe I started praying to you.
To help me make it through the day.
As far as crying I don't think anyone could help me with that, the tears just start rolling down my face and I can't stop them.
Aaron came over the other day with his Dad.
His father told me and Dad that he is always asking him to take him over here.
He also said every night before he goes to bed he talks to you and he prays.
Well my baby I will talk to you later.
I love you forever and always!!!!!
Mom

Hi Sweetie,

Today is a very, very hot day. You would hate it like me.
But you would probably be in the pool.
I go back to the Dr's Thursday for my follow-up from my surgery. I can't wait until I get this big bandage off.
Maybe he will take out the stitches.
I am going to wait for awhile before I get the other one done.
Well at least I cleaned the house before I had this done, because I knew I would not be able to do anything.
It had to be done, Joe I really haven't done anything since all this.
I just can't. It's not in me, there is nothing inside me.
I try believe me I do but you know the way I am. I just miss you so much that I cannot even put into words.
Even if I could function somewhat better than I am doing now that would be ok, but I just can't.
Everything around me reminds me of you. You are on my mind all the time.
I do look forward at night so I can go to sleep and give my mind a rest, just so I don't think.
Well my baby I will talk to you later.
I love you forever and always.
Mom

Hi sweetie,
I know I missed a couple of days but I had surgery on my hand.
So it is very hard to write. They have my hand all wrapped up and of course it is my right hand.
I cannot do anything with my left.
You know me, but i'm trying.
I can't just lay in bed and do nothing but let my mind wonder.
I have to get my left hand done but I am going to wait.
That is more intensive. It's not only my wrist but they have to do my elbow to.
That is because I have waited so long it just got worst.
You know Mom I always come last. I have to make sure everyone else is ok.
The only reason I got my right one done is because I need at least one hand to work with. It was the Ortho Dr. who did your knees. When he heard about you he was devasted.
He couldn't believe it.
He said not Joe the big guy who drives the ambulance on the side.
So of course I broke down and he couldn't be more sorry to your father and me.
Joe you touch everyone's life with your kindness and that beautiful smile of yours.
Your brother was in the paper again regarding the 1st place he won with the right and left hand.
The title was so big as the picture was.
ARM WRESTLER EARNS EMOTIONAL TITLE.
There is a paragraph that saids Christmas DeMatthews brother Joey passed away and his birthday coincided with Wayne's this summers title match. "It was really nice. Actually one of the medals is in his room," said DeMatthews.
"It was always in the back of my head that I wanted to do it for him, but I didn't want to add any more pressure to myself.
But it difinitely made it more satisfying."
He holds the State Championship, but you know your brother just like you that it is not good enough (you guys) have to exceed to the highest point you can get to.
He is now going for the "World Championship".
It doesn't matter what you two do it never did you both know that I am proud of both of you no matter what!
We all just miss and love you so much that we wish you were here.
You always got so excited when things like that happens with anyone in the family.
You used to enjoy going to the games and even competing in them.
Danielle did my hair the other day because I knew I was having surgery and would only have one hand.
Amy took the kids to Ohio for a week she should be coming home tomorrow. At least they are enjoying their summer vacation.
Danielle did Aubree's hair before they left and knows Danielle's day off is Wednesday and asked her if she would pick her up from dance camp and then spend the day with her. That's so cute. Of course she said yes.
The kids are getting so big Joe.
You were always so protected of them.
I know you are still watching over them.
Well my Love I am going to go back to bed and I will talk to you later.
I love you forever and always.
Mom

Hi my Angel,

It's Saturday another day goes by without you here.
I miss you saying Mom I'll be right back I'm going to the gym. Or I'm going to work I'll see you later. Or what's for supper. Or are my black pants done.
I miss all that.
That's one of the reason's why my life is so empty.
I rather be busy doing things like that instead of staying in bed, crying and hurrying for the day to go by fast.
Well my sweet child I will talk to you later.
I love you forever and always.
Mom

Hi, My Sweet Boy,

The past couple days for some reason has been hard. I'm sure you know. My heart just seems like it eithers beats so fast that it feels like it is going to pop. Other days it beats so slow I can bearly feel it when I put my hand on my chest. I see you everyday around the house and I just ache for you so much to be home.
Everyday it is different for me I feel so emotional everyday in different ways.
Either I am very quiet and I don't speak a word or I am very nervous Like I am going to bust any minute.
I've said it before and I'll say it again your father is so nervous and upset with me.
He hates seeing me like this and it is killing him, but I tell him I am ok.
He knows because he is feeling the same way.
I just try to make it through the day without a tear running down my face. It is so hard to do but I do try.
With every tear I weep it feels like I am just getting weaker and then I try and pull it together if not for me but for him.
We will be going to church tomorrow I will be doing so much praying and try to get something out of it or maybe even feel something inside instead of this emptyness.
Your father and I went to the Dr. the other day the one who did the surgery on your knees. (Ortho)
Of course he remembered your father who wouldn't once you see him you don't forget.
But he didn't put it together. When your father told him he almost fell were he stood.
He was in shock. He use to take you to the Dr's office for your visits when I was working.
But I will be having surgery on the 17th on my hands. He will be doing the right one first.
I guess I just let them go. But it got to a point were I have been in so much pain and dropping things that it's time to get it fixed.
When I write to you I am in so much pain but I continue because I can't let a day go bye without talking to you.
So now when this is done I can't write all I want without stopping all the time to take a break.
Plus my one hand has no feeling. So it is hard to type like I use to.
Believe me I would not be getting this done
but I need my hands so I can feel and hold you again.
Well my baby I will talk to you later.
I love you forever and always!!
Mom FOREVER

Hi Joe,

I just have been thinking of you so much lately. (if that is possibly).
I just miss you so much. I know you know that but I miss the present of you. I know I tell you everyday how much I miss you and love you, but it just is not the same as if I would hold you and tell you.
That is what I miss the most holding you and giving you a kiss as I stood on my toes.
When your father and I were talking to the priest yesterday he did give me some comfort, but nothing or no one can fill that void but you.
I want to here that laugh of yours out loud like I use to.
The priest did tell me some things about you as he was holding your picture, and I said WHY him WHY not me that is the way it is suppose to be.
He said that is how things happen. I still have things here I have to do. But I said you still had so much more to do and give and so much more to live than me.
He told us that you were happier than him, your father and me sitting there yesterday put together.
But he did tell me one thing that I have to hold on to and that is that I will see you and be with you again. (that gave me some sort of peace). inside.
He gave us a bottle of Holy Water and when we came home it went right next to you.
I just wish I can feel somewhat better, believe me I try to everyday for everyone else, but I just can't.
Your present was such a big part of us, hearing that laugh of yours.(your sillyness)
You have been on your father's mind so much lately too. He said he stay's up so late now and cannot sleep just thinking about you so much.
Joe, he missing you around the house so much the way you guys use to fool around.
Like kids and laugh and just talk.
He misses that so much. I just look into his eyes and they are just filled with so much saddness. He just is not the same.
He to has lost so much weight and then he has to look at me which doesn't help.
I try to tell me I am ok when he ask me are you ok I tell him I am fine, but after all these years he knows.
Your brother is just like him they keep everything inside.
Wayne was here yesterday, he looks so great on the outside but on the inside I know as his mother I know how he is feeling inside.
Well you website is starting to get finished up. There still are more pictures that have to go on and the merchandise is not on yet which will be coming on.
All the pictures of the balloons that we sent up to you on your birthday the pictures came out so great. There were 28 balloons and one for good luck.
The kids had such a good time sending them up to you. They would kiss the balloons first then said a little prayer to you and then let them go.
They also wrote on some of them.
So those pictures are going to be put on your website.
You know me so well that I will keep on going until I am with you again.
I love you forever and always
Mom

Hi Honey,

Just wanted to tell you I love you and miss you so much.
I took Bella for her yearly shots and she was so good Joe.
She misses you so much the way you use to come in and call her name and take her in your room.
Precious is doing good. She misses you too.
Your father and I went to talk to the Priest today and it was very comforting and he said some things to us and made me feel a little better.
Your father and I are going to church Sunday and the priest is going to say some things regarding you and the family.
He gave us a bottle of holy water and held our hands and he prayed for us.
There were just some questions I needed to ask and have answers to.
Of course I cryed I just can't go anywhere without doing that. I don't know if that will ever stop.
Well my baby I will talk to you later.
I love you forever and always.
Mom

hey baby,

I hope you caught some of those balloons that were sent up to you. There were 28 and 1 for good luck. We also wrote on some of them.
They were so beautiful Joe!
We watched them until we couldn't see them anymore.
They just went so high.
I was just checking to see if you caught any of them.
I will talk to you later.
I love you forever and always!
Mom

hi, my sweet boy,

Well my wonderful son, as I said before your brother Wayne brought home the Gold Medal again on your birthday! It went into your room around your picture.Just like he said he would do.
Joe the biggest news was he also won 1st place gold medal for the left arm which has never been done. We are so proud of him!
We knew he would do it. Wayne is on a mission! You and me both know that. So he brought home (2) 1st place gold medals. That's Wayne for ya!
I know you were with him that day and cheering him on! We all know you would have been there with him like you always were.
There really is nothing else to say but, I was blessed with the best two boys ever. The sweetess, kindess, caring and most loving two boys anyone could ever ask for.
My heart is filled with so much love,joy from the day you and Wayne were born. I was the one who was so lucky and proud. But, like I said again the chain was broke and we are missing a link, but that link will soon be reconnected. Your brother and you are like twins. Every holiday since you have not been here Wayne has given me a card and every card has written in it (Love you Always) Wayne and Joey!
How sweet and thoughtful is that. Also it breaks my heart. You two kids are my life and always will be. You both always knew that and all the people that know me also knows that. I was so blessed. But also at the same time part of my heart was taken from me. (WHY)???
My kids ( I know you guys are men now but mom always and will always refer to you two as my kids). You two are the greatest two human beings that were given to me out of love and came into my life and changed me and showed me so much love that only god knows how you two have touched my life like no one ever did and you guys have touched so many people. Your father and I are the luckest parents and blessed parents in the world.
We love you two with all of our hearts and souls. For that I will always have that with me and will always be with me until we are reunited.
At least when I leave this world I will take with me so much love that would make up for a lifetime. (with Wayne Jr.you and especically your Dad! He is the most proudest father I know.
Well my beautiful son,
I will talk to you later.
I love you forever and always!
Your Mom