Joseph William DeMatthews

HI MY BEAUTIFUL SON,

I JUST WANTED TO SEND ALL MY LOVE TO YOU AS ALWAYS.
MISS YOU SO MUCH THERE ARE NO WORDS.
JOE, THERE IS NOT AN HOUR THAT GOES BY EVERY HOUR OF EVERYDAY THAT WE JUST DON'T
SAY HOW MUCH WE LOVE AND MISS YOU.
AND THAT WE JUST CAN'T BELIEVE THIS.
IT HAS TO BE A NIGHTMARE.
WELL MY LOVE, I WILL TALK TO YOU LATER.
I LOVE YOU FOREVER AND ALWAYS.
MOM

HEY YOU,
I MISS AND LOVE YOU SO MUCH. WAYNE CAME OVER YESTERDAY AND IT WAS JUST THE THREE OF US. (4) ALWAYS.
WE ALL FELT THE SAME JOE, BUT NONE OF US SAID ANYTHING.
WE PRAYED, AND WE CRIED AND WE KNEW YOU WERE WITH US.
IT WAS JUST A VERY SAD DAY, BUT WE MADE THE BEST OF IT AND GOT THROUGH IT.
WELL MY SWEET BOY, I WILL TALK TO YOU LATER.
I LOVE YOU FOREVER AND ALWAYS.
MOM

MY JOE,

THANK YOU FOR YESTERDAY. I JUST ABOUT MADE IT THROUGH THE DAY.
OH MY, IT IS JUST SO DIFFICULT WITH YOU NOT HERE. I NEVER IN A MILLION YEARS WOULD HAVE EVER BELIEVE THIS WOULD EVER HAPPEN TO US.
YOU, YOU OF ALL PEOPLE.
SO FULL OF LIFE, SO MUCH TO DO.
YOU WHERE ALWAYS SO BUSY, SOMETHIMES YOU WOULD MAKE ME CRAZY. EVEN WHEN YOU WERE LITTLE. YOU WERE SO BUSY.
YOU REALLY COULD NEVER SIT STILL UNLESS YOU WERE SLEEPING OR WATCHING TV.
NOW THAT I HAVE BEEN THINKING SO MUCH LATELY, THAT IS EXACTLY HOW I AM.
SO MANY PEOPLE WOULD ALWAYS TELL ME THROUGH THE YEARS, DEBBIE DON'T YOU EVER STOP. YOU ARE ALWAYS MOVING.
WELL JOE THAT IS WHERE YOU GOT IT FROM, YOUR MOM. (HYPER).
I GUESS WE HAVE SO MUCH NERVOUS ENERGY THAT WE CAN'T SIT STILL.
BUT NOW, THE ONLY THING THAT IS RACING IS MY MIND, WHICH I HATE.
THERE ARE SO MANY TIMES I TRY TO BLOCK OUT THINGS THAT POP INTO MY MIND AND IT IS SO HARD.
SOMETIMES I DON'T EVEN WANT TO THINK.
WELL MY BABY I WILL TALK TO YOU LATER.
I LOVE YOU FOREVER AND ALWAYS.
MOM FOREVER & EVER

MY SON, MY LIFE, MY MIRACLE,
HAPPY THANKSGIVING TO YOU ONE OF MY MOST SPECIAL GIFTS,THAT ANYONE WOULD BE SO PROUD TO HAVE. WHAT ELSE CAN I SAY. YOU AND YOUR BROTHER AND DAD ARE MY EVERYTHING.
JUST LIKE THAT PLAQUE WE HAVE THAT STATES OUR FAMILY CHAIN IS BROKEN, AND NOTHING SEEMS THE SAME; BUT AS GOD CALLS US ONE BY ONE THE CHAIN WILL LINK AGAIN.
HOW TRUE MY BABY BOY, HOW TRUE.
I NEED MY SUNSHINE HERE AND I PRAY EVERYDAY FOR THAT JOE AND I KNOW IT WILL NEVER BE.
UNTIL WE ARE TOGETHER AGAIN.
TO ME THE DAYS ARE EMPTY, I AM SAD ALL THE TIME AND MY LIFE WILL NEVER BE THE SAME.
EVERYTHING IS DIFFERENT SINCE THAT HORRIBLE DAY.
DAD, YOUR BROTHER AND ME WE WILL NEVER BE.
THERE IS A BIG PART OF US MISSING, THAT WE LOVED AND STILL LOVE SO DEARLY.
SOMEONE WHO MADE US LAUGH AND WE MADE YOU LAUGH. SOMEONE WHO WAS SO KIND.
I JUST ASK YOU EVERYDAY TO GIVE ME THE STRENGTH TO JUST MAKE IT ANOTHER DAY. EVEN THOUGH THE DAYS ARE EMPTY WITH SADDNESS AND SOMETIMES I DON'T THINK I AM GOING TO MAKE IT.
I JUST PRAY AND WISH I COULD FIX IT BUT I JUST CAN'T. IT MAKES ME CRAZY BECAUSE I WAS ALWAYS ABLE TO FIX THINGS FOR YOU KIDS.
THAT IS PROBABLY WHATS MAKING ME SO CRAZY.
ALL I HEAR IN MY HEAD ALL THE TIME IS "MOM- MOM-MOM JOE, I AM SO USE TO HEARING YOU CALL ME I WANT TO COME TO YOU AND ASK YOU WHAT HONEY, WHAT DO YOU NEED.
BELIEVE ME JOE, THERE ARE SOME TIMES I HAVE TO STOP MYSELF.
IT IS A HABIT THAT WILL NEVER LEAVE ME EVER.
YOUR MOM IS AND ALWAYS WILL BE HERE/THERE FOR YOU AND WAYNE AND DAD.
UNTIL I AM WITH YOU I WILL FINALLY BE IN PEACE AND THIS PAIN THAT IS INSIDE ME I LIVE WITH EVERYDAY WILL FINALLY GO AWAY.
I COULD BE WITH YOU AND TAKE CARE OR WATCH OVER OUR LOVE ONES.
BABY, IF YOU DO HEAR ME PRAYING OR TALKING TO YOU, YOU KNOW THAT I AM BEGGING YOU WITH ALL THAT I HAVE LEFT, WHICH ISN'T MUCH GIVE ME OR HELP ME WITH ALL THAT KINDNESS AND STRENGTH THAT YOU HAVE TO MAKE IT THROUGH TODAY.
MY SWEET, BEAUTIFUL SON JOE,
WATCH OVER EVERYONE, I KNOW YOU ARE BUT WE NEED YOU SO MUCH.
I LOVE AND MISS YOU SO MUCH.
I WILL TALK TO YOU LATER, ALWAYS.
I LOVE YOU FOREVER AND ALWAYS.
YOUR MOM FOREVER.

My Joe,

Well Joe tomorrow is Thanksgiving.
It will be the first time you will not be here. I don't know how we are going to handle that. Wayne is working so. Tomorrow will just be another day.
I will just stay in bed. Wayne will be here Friday and I will make us supper than.
It will just be an ordinary day for us and as far as I am concern it will be like you are here, but you are at work or something.
We all are going to have to make it through tomorrow. I don't know how but I guess we will do what we have been doing.
I just keep saying how is this possible.
I can't believe it.
WHY!
But again I get no answers.
So I just wait.
Well my sweetheart I will write to you later.
I love you forever and always.
Mom Forever

MY JOEY,
WHAT CAN I SAY THAT I HAVEN'T SAID A MILLION TIMES. I MISS YOU WITH ALL MY HEART AND SOUL.
THERE ARE DAYS THAT I JUST DON'T THINK I WILL MAKE IT.
THAN I THINK OF YOUR BROTHER, THIS HIT HIM LIKE A TON OF BRICKS. YOU KNOW THAT HE IS LIKE DAD AND KEEPS EVERYTHING INSIDE.
I JUST WISH, THATS ALL I DO.
I JUST SAY I SHOULD'VE, COULD'VE WOULD'VE,
AND YOU KNOW JOE I GUESS I AM JUST KILLING MYSELF A LITTLE MORE EACH DAY.
BUT THERE IS NOTHING ANYONE CAN DO OR SAY.
LIKE I HAVE BEEN SAYING IT IS THE MOST HORRIBLE FEELING ANYONE CAN FEEL.
I JUST WANT AND NEED TO HUG YOU AGAIN.
I FEEL AND THINK TO MYSELF OH JOEY NEEDS ME
AND I NEED HIM. ALL THE TIME EVERYDAY.
NOW THE HOLIDAYS ARE COMING UP AND I JUST CAN'T HANDLE IT.
I PRAY AND BEG FOR YOU TO GIVE ME STRENGHT TO MAKE IT DAY BY DAY.
THERE ARE DAYS I JUST STAY IN BED OR JUST WALK THE ROOMS.
I LOOK AT YOUR PICTURES EVERYDAY WITH THAT SMILE OF YOURS AND IT JUST SEEMS LIKE YOUR STILL HERE WITH US.
I KNOW THIS SICK FEELING AND EMPTYNESS I HAVE IN SIDE OF ME WILL NEVER GO AWAY.
I JUST CAN'T BELIEVE OR WON'T BELIEVE THAT YOU ARE NOT HERE ENJOYING LIFE EVERYTHING YOU ALWAYS LIKE TO DO.
YOU AND YOUR CELL AND T.V. AND OF COURSE EATING. OH MY BABY ALL I CAN SAY IS I WILL BE WITH YOU SOON.
IN THE MEAN TIME I AM ALWAYS HERE FOR YOU TO TALK TO LIKE YOU ALWAYS DID.
I GUESS I NEED IT AND WANT IT SO BADLY.
YOU ARE NEVER EVER ALONE HONEY I AM ALWAYS HERE FOR YOU.
WELL MY SWEET BABY I WILL TALK TO YOU LATER.
I LOVE YOU FOREVER AND ALWAYS .
MOM

Hi my Joey,

It's Mom as always sending you all my love.
This is just going to be so hard not that it's already devasting, but I noticed that they are starting to put the Christmas decorations up, on the street lights.
When I first noticed them I actually got sick to my stomach. I just don't know how we are going to make it through.
We just love and miss you so much it just does not seem or feel right without you home.
Everything just seems to be so different.
I guess I just will never believe it or except it.
No matter what we are doing in the house I am always waiting for you to come in the front door or the phone ringing.
It is such a horrible feeling.
Well my Angel I will talk to you later.
I love you forever and always.
Mom

Hi my Angel,


I just wanted to tell you how much I think about you and miss you so much. You are just such a wonderful, sweet and kindess person anyone knew or met.
We are just so lost without you Joe.
Everything around us is you.
You are everywhere.
You are everything.
Well my baby I will talk to you later. I know this is short, but I will make it up later.
I love you forever and always.
Mom

Hi My Joe,
Another day. Another horrible day in life.
I know when I talk to you it's just the same old same old depressing things.
But there is nothing new or nothing going on.
Life is just a vicious cycle. Day after day it just repeats itself. I guess I never really paid attention to it before, but now that you are not here it does make me realize alot of things
I even look at life so differently now.
It just is not the same.
We miss you so much it's unreal.
Like I said before you were such a BIG part of us, and now half of us is not here.
Well my baby, I will talk to you later.
I love you forever and always.
Mom

GOOD MORNING BABY,
ANOTHER DAY, ANOTHER DAY THAT IS SO EMPTY AND SAD AND QUIET.
I WAS SAYING TO DAD THAT I JUST KEEP PUTTING IN MY MIND THAT YOU ARE AT SCHOOL. THAT IS THE ONLY WAY I AM MAKING IT THROUGH EACH DAY JOE.
I KNOW IT SOUNDS CRAZY TO SOME PEOPLE BUT IF IT HELPS ME GET THROUGH THE DAY THAN SO BE IT.
DAD, WAYNE AND MYSELF WERE TALKING A COUPLE OF DAYS AGO AND WAYNE SAID MOM, WHAT ARE YOU DOING FOR THANKSGIVING!
i DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING AT FIRST THAN I SAID I KNOW YOU WERE HOME LAST YEAR, ARE YOU OFF THIS YEAR?
HE WENT INTO HIS POCKET AND LOOKED AT HIS SCHEDULE AND SAID WHAT DAY DOES IT FALL ON.
DAD AND ME LOOKED AT EACH OTHER AND DAD SAID THE (23RD). SO HE SAID WELL I DO HAVE TO WORK ON THAT DAY SO YOU KNOW WHAT I AM OFF THE NEXT DAY.
AND YOU KNOW JOE THAT IS JUST FIND WITH US.
WE CANNOT CELEBRATE ANYTHING WITHOUT YOU.
SO HE SAID IT'S JUST GOING TO BE ME.
SO WE WILL HAVE THANKSGIVING THE DAY AFTER.
SO IT WORKS OUT JUST AS WELL.
WE WILL JUST LET THANKSGIVING PASS JUST LIKE ANY OTHER DAY.
THAN FRIDAY THE 24TH WE WILL HAVE DINNER JUST LIKE ANY OTHER DAY. THE (4) OF US AS ALWAYS.
EVEN THE 23RD AND THE 24TH I REALLY DON'T KNOW HOW WE ARE GOING TO BE.
EVERYDAY IS DIFFERENT. IT IS SO STRANGE, EVERYDAY YOU WAKE UP YOU FEEL DIFFERENT.
IT COULD EITHER BE MAD, ANGER, SAD, DEPRESSED, IN DISBELIEF, IN SHOCK, CRYING, QUIET AND JUST INDIFFERENT.
THAT'S JUST SOME OF THEM.
I NEVER KNEW WHAT A HORROR AND NIGHTMARE LIKE THIS WOULD DO TO SOMEONE UNLESS YOU HAVE WENT THROUGH IT.
IT IS SUCH A BLOW, IMPACT TO YOUR SYSTEM.
YOU DO NOT HAVE ANY MOTIVATION WHAT SO EVER.
THEY TELL ME THAT I AM IN DENIAL MY BODY IS IN SHOCK AND I REFUSE TO BELIEVE ANYTHING.
AND YOU KNOW WHAT JOE THAT IS PROBABLY TRUE, BUT IF THAT IS WHAT GETS ME UP EVERY MORNING AND WRITE TO YOU EVERYDAY UNTIL WE ARE TOGETHER AGAIN, THEN SO BE IT.
THERE IS NO WAY I WILL LET YOU GO. (NO WAY).
WELL MY SWEET ANGEL, I WILL TALK TO YOU LATER.
I LOVE YOU FOREVER AND ALWAYS.
YOUR MOM FOREVER

Hi my sweet baby,

Well my sweet son Halloween past. Its been a week and it was very quiet. Just like I told you Dad shut the house up and we went to bed early. It is just a shame because it just seems like it is getting harder and harder.
Be right back.
Mom

 

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Tribute by MOM

HI BABY I AM BACK,

I HAD TO DO SOMETHING IN A HURRY. WELL MY SWEET BABY I MISS YOU SO MUCH I CAN'T STAND IT. TIME IS JUST GOING BY SO FAST I DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW AND WHY. BUT IT IS LIKE IT WAS JUST YESTERDAY I WAS TALKING TO YOU.
ASKING WHAT YOU WANTED TO EAT. IT IS JUST CRAZY. I JUST WILL NOT EXCEPT IT. I NEVER WILL. I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE YOU.
WELL MY SWEET BABY I WILL TALK TO YOU TOMORROW.
I LOVE YOU FOREVER AND ALWAYS.
MOM

Hi My Sweet Boy,

Honey you need to tell me or try to make it a little clearer to me. Night lights, dark sky, or ocean. (blue). Or night time.
I just could not get it clear or understand it to well. I know exactly what you what me to say and do but as far as items I am trying to get it. Baby you know I will do anything, anything in this world for you.
I sent Dan a B-day card from you like you wanted.
I hate this you should be doing this yourself.
It makes me crazy.
We are still working on her ring. This court crap takes forever.
Wayne has the new shirts being made up oh honey they are going to be so great. The saying is unreal.
Wayne really is and always was so creative.
Not only does it apply to you and family, but just the words apply to anyone in this world.
Its unbelieveable. He said they will be done in 1 1/2 to two weeks.
I can't wait to see them.
Plus the other ones will be done.
He is too much.
He is my beautiful, smart, kind, and sensitive first born. Just like you but you were my baby.
Like I said so many times over I was blessed with two miracles.
I will always be thankful for that.
Wayne as you know keeps everything inside just like Dad and especially when it comes to his baby brother and best friend.
He misses you so much Joe.
All I have to do is look in Wayne's face and I know I always knew when it came to my best boys.
At least when I leave this place and join you my baby, at least I will know that I did have the best 2 things anyone could ever have.
It's better than winning the lottery.
I wouldn't trade that for anything.
You two have brought so much joy and life and happiness to me you could not even image.
Well I guess you and Wayne and Dad knew how I was with you two.
My life, the air I breathe, the reason my heart beats and the glow I always had about me.
I just wish I had that back, but we all know that it is impossible now that you are not here with us.
Well my Angel I will talk to you later.
I love you forever and always.
Mom Always

Hey my sweet son,

Just thinking so much about you. Wayne was here with the kids.
They had a great time as usually.
They miss you.
Wayne III says everytime he is here how much Dad looks like you or the other way around.
Last week the picture of you in the living room he said it was Dad.
Today there was another picture and he said the same thing.
Well you guys are brothers and I use to see it with different expressions you would make or Wayne would make.
As you get older you do start really seeing the resemblance.
Joe, Joe what else can I say that I haven't already. We just miss you so much and there is nothing the same.
We try to make it day by day with you not here with us but it is so hard and not the same.
There are days that are so bad we can't even talk to anyone or be around anyone because it is to hard.
Well my sweet baby I will talk to you later.
I love you forever and always.
I Love You Mom Forever.

Hi my baby,

It's Mom just doing my daily writing to you.
You know I have to tell you that I love you so much and miss you on a daily basis.
It is starting to get cooler outside that is the weather that you, Wayne Jr and me love.
But I really don't care anymore if it rains everyday, snows or 100 degrees out.
It just does not faze me a bit.
I don't even think I realize what it is doing outside.
All I do know is that we miss and Love you so deeply that it hurts like something you have never experienced in your life.
I want to see your beautiful smile and hear your laugh. I don't want to look at your beautiful picture to see your smile.
I just want you home. I know that sounds crazy to some people but to me that is all I ever say is I want my baby back.
Well my sweet boy I will talk to you later.
I love you forever and always.
Mom

Hi my baby,
I love you so much. Dad and me just could not handle Halloween. Dad lock the front screen and turned off all the outside lights off. We just could not do it. Plus it was raining really heavy. You always love to open the door for the kids and see what they were wearing. You would give them a whole handful of candy or let them put their hand in and get as much as they wanted.
You just always, always loved doing things like that.
You loved the holidays and that is why it is going to be a nightmare getting through this year.
For that matter every year.
We need you here with us, it's just not the same. It will never be the same.
Until we are all together again.
I love and miss you baby.
I will talk to you later.
I love you forever and always.
Mom

 

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