Joseph William DeMatthews

 

Hi my Joey,

 

Well I made it thru Mother's Day, I don't know how without you here with me. I didn't talk with anyone on the phone, your brother lefted me a text message and a voice mail. I just cannot deal with any kind of holiday's without you here with me. I stayed in bed all day, cried alot and prayed. What a life, there is no life inside me.

So I just deal or keep to myself to try and make it through each day.

I know you are with me everyday helping me through and always in my heart, but it is just not the same. It will never be the same.

I just try my best and my best just will never be the same, nothing will ever be the same.

I can't even smile anymore. I can't be happy anymore. To me there is nothing nor will ever be anything to make me the same person I use to be.

When I wake up in the morning I told you the first thing I do is pray to you to help me make it through the day. Then I go in the kitchen and the first thing I see is your beautiful smile and face.

I live my life now Joe as I always did for you and Wayne Jr, but I do it differently than I did before. I live to keep you always here as if you always where and to always speak your name and talk as if you are still here with me, if that makes any sense.

I live to keep my Joey here. You know me so well and you wouldn't expect anything different from me.

Here we go again, Wayne Jr's  birthday, my birthday and than your's. (29).

My baby 29.

Well I do not look ahead anyway I just go day by day.

Well my sweet baby I will talk to you later.

I love you forever and always!

Soon Mom 

      

MY SWEET JOEY,

I DON'T KNOW JOEY, I AM HAVING SUCH A HARD TIME. IN MY HEART I KNOW YOU ARE ALWAYS WITH ME. I AM JUST LOST HERE WITHOUT YOU.
I JUST CANNOT EXCEPT IT. IT SEEMS LIKE EACH DAY IS HARDER AND HARDER TO KEEP GOING.
I JUST MISS YOU SO MUCH. I WENT TO CALL YOU THURSDAY ON YOUR CELL AND SAID TO MYSELF WHAT ARE YOU DOING!
TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH I REALLY DON'T KNOW.
IT SEEMS LIKE I WALK AROUND IN A DAZE.
I CAN'T EVEN REMEMBER WHAT I SAID AN HOUR AGO. THAT IS SCARRY. I HAVE "NO" ANSWERS BUT, I GUESS THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS TO A MOM WHEN HER WORSE NIGHTMARE BECOMES REAL.
EVERY MORNING I WAKE UP ANOTHER DAY, ANOTHER MISERABLE, HORRIBLE, PAINFUL DAY OF TRYING TO MAKE SENSE OUT OF THIS AND IN THE SAME BREATHE AND THOUGHT NOT BELIEVING IT.
I AM JUST IN DENIAL AND I GUESS THAT IS THE ONLY WAY I CAN COPE.
I WOULD NEVER HAVE BELIEVED I WOULD LIVE LIKE THIS AT THIS TIME IN MY LIFE.
I HATE IT. I AM NEVER HAPPY NOR DO I EVER SMILE ANYMORE. IT'S JUST NOT ME.
I WILL NEVER BE THE SAME EVER. I LOVE AND MISS YOU SO DEEPLY IT LITERALLY MAKES ME SO SICK TO MY STOMACH.
WELL MY SWEET SON, I WILL TALK TO YOU LATER.
I LOVE YOU FOREVER AND ALWAYS.
SOON MOM

 

MY JOE,

 

JUST WALKING THE ROOMS AS USUALLY. NUTTY I KNOW I JUST DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO. I KNOW I HAVE SO MUCH TO DO BUT I JUST CAN'T.

I NEED YOU WITH ME HERE, BY MY SIDE. I WANT TO HUG YOU AND KISS YOU AGAIN. I WANT TO WATCH MOVIES WITH YOU AGAIN.

OH, MY BABY HOW HARD THIS IS.

I LOVE YOU FOREVER AND ALWAYS.

MOM

HEY MY BEAUTIFUL SON,

IT'S MOM JUST SENDING YOU EVERYTHING I HAVE AND MORE.
WHAT CAN I SAY EXCEPT WE ARE MISSING YOU SO MUCH.
THAT SMILE, THAT SMILE SO UNIQUE SO REAL AND BEAUTIFUL JUST YOU MY JOE, YOU ARE JUST SO BIGGER THAN LIFE ITSELF I WILL NEVER STOP SEEING YOUR FACE OR YOUR SMILE OR YOU CALLING MOM.
NEVER.
IT IS SO HARD TO MAKE IT THROUGH EACH DAY I CAN'T EXPLAIN IT. IT IS JUST SO UNREAL.
I JUST WISH I COULD DO SOMETHING.
THAT IS THE HARDEST I GUESS.
WELL BABY YOU ARE IN MY HEART AS ALWAYS AND NOT ONE DAY GOES BY THAT YOUR NAME DOES NOT COME OUT OF MY MOUTH. OR DAD AND ME JUST LOOK AT EACH OTHER WITH BLANK FACES AND CAN'T EVEN TALK WE KNOW.
HE JUST KEEPS TALLING ME OUR BABY IS WITH US ALWAYS UNTIL WE ARE ALL TOGETHER AGAIN.
WELL SWEETIE I WILL TALK TO YOU LATER.
I LOVE YOU FOREVER AND ALWAYS.
SOON MOM

HI MY SWEET SON,

WELL ANOTHER DAY, ANOTHER WEEK, ANOTHER MONTH AND ALMOST ANOTHER YEAR.
IT IS JUST NOT REAL TO ME AND WILL NEVER BE.
SO MANY WONDERFUL PEOPLE I HAVE MET THROUGH ALL MY PAIN AND HEARTACHE.
SOMEONE GAVE ME THIS BOOK TO READ AND I HAVE BEEN TRYING TO READ IT IF I CAN ONLY CONCENTRATE.
WELL MY BABY I WILL TALK TO YOU LATER.
I LOVE YOU FOREVER AND ALWAYS.
SOON MOM

HI HONEY,
IT'S MOM JUST SENDING YOU ALL MY LOVE.
I HAVE NOT BEEN WELL, SOMETIMES I ASK MYSELF WHAT ELSE IS NEW.
I HAVE BEEN SICK. ACTUALLY YESTERDAY THIS MIGRAINE I HAVE BEEN HAVING MADE ME SO SICK I WAS SO NAUSEA THAT I HAD TO LAY DOWN FOR SO TIME.
I THOUGHT MAYBE IT WOULD GO AWAY.
PLUS I COULDN'T STAND THAT FEELING.
I AM SO SICK OF TAKING MEDICINE THAT JUST TAKING SOMETHING FOR THIS MIGRANE I HAD A HARD TIME TO SWALLOW IT.
WELL MY SWEET BOY I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU HOW MUCH I LOVE AND MISS YOU. I KNOW YOU ALREADY KNOW THIS BUT IT JUST MAKES ME FEEL BETTER IN SOME WAY.
WELL BABY I WILL TALK TO YOU LATER.
I LOVE YOU FOREVER AND ALWAYS.
SOON MOM.

HI MY BABY,
HOW ARE YOU DOING?
MOM IS THE SAME. YOU KNOW I WILL NEVER BE ANY DIFFERENT.
ALL I KEEP SAYING IS ABOUT THAT HORRIBLE DAY WHY, WHY DIDN'T I JUST GO IN YOUR ROOM TO STRAIGHTEN UP AS I ALWAYS DO!
I KEEP SAYING I CAN'T BELIEVE I CALLED YOU TWICE ON YOUR CELL FROM MY ROOM, AND LEFT MESSAGES AND ALL ALONG HERE YOU ARE RIGHT IN THE NEXT ROOM.
I JUST WANT TO SCREAM, SCREAM AS LOUD AS I CAN.
I AM JUST SO MAD I CAN'T HELP IT. "WHY"!!!
I KNOW BABY I JUST CAN'T HELP IT.
YOU NEED TO BE HERE WITH US BACK HOME WHERE YOU BELONG.
WHERE YOU ALWAYS BELONGED.
IT JUST WILL NOT (NEVER) BE THE SAME.
I ASK ALL THE TIME WHY MY JOEY WHY NOT ME.
DAD BUYS A DOZEN OF DIFFERENT COLOR ROSES EVERY WEEK AND HE PUTS THEM IN THE VASE NEXT TO YOU.
THEY ARE SO BEAUTIFUL.
THAT IS HIS WAY JOE. YOU KNOW DAD.
YOUR BROTHER WAS HERE THE OTHER DAY FOR A COUPLE OF DAYS AND AS USUALLY HE GOES IN YOUR ROOM AND STAYS IN THERE FOR AWHILE.
THAT IS HIS THING.
I JUST CAN'T IMAGE WHAT GOES THROUGH HIS MIND. HIS BROTHER HIS BEST FRIEND, THE ONE HE ALWAYS PROTECTED ALL THE YEARS GROWING UP.
WELL MY SWEET BABY I WILL TALK TO YOU LATER.
I LOVE YOU FOREVER AND ALWAYS!
MOM FOREVER TILL THEN.

HI MY SWEET BABY,

AS YOU KNOW AUBREE WAS 13 THIS WEEK. I JUST CAN'T BELIEVE HOW BIG THE KIDS ARE GETTING.
I KNOW YOU WATCH OVER THEM AND MAKE SURE THAT THEY ARE DOING WELL.
WHEN I THINK BACK IT'S KINDA OF FUNNY BECAUSE I WATCH HOW MY OWN SON AND GRANDCHILDREN GREW UP TOGETHER.
HOW YOU WATCH THEM AND ENJOY EVERY STEP THEY MADE AND THE NEW WORDS THEY WOULD COME OUT WITH.
YOUR BEAUTIFUL SMILE AND LAUGH WOULD MAKE THEM LAUGH ALONG WITH YOU.
HOW YOU WOULD ENJOY THEM EVERYDAY.
EVERYONE OF US JUST MISS YOU SO DEEPLY IT JUST HURTS SO MUCH.
I ALWAYS SAY THIS PAIN I CARRY WITH ME EVERYDAY AND THE TEARS THAT I WEEP FOR YOU EVERYDAY JUST IS A NORMAL WAY OF LIFE FOR ME.
UNTIL WE ARE TOGETHER AGAIN.
NOW I DON'T EVEN COMPLAIN ABOUT THIS PAIN THAT I CARRY WITH ME, I HAVE LEARNED TO DEAL WITH IT. IT IS PART OF ME NOW.
IT WILL ALWAYS BE A PART OF ME.
IT IS YOU.
IT WILL ALWAYS BE YOU. YOU ARE A PART OF ME EVERYDAY I WAKE UP UNTIL I GO TO SLEEP AND START ALL OVER AGAIN.
THE SAME GOES FOR DAD AND YOUR BROTHER.
SOMETIMES I WONDER IF I SHOULD HAVE LET WAYNE TAKE YOU UNDER HIS WING AT WORK AND WATCH OUT FOR YOU. BUT IT WAS ME I GUESS I JUST WANTED TO TAKE CARE OF YOU MYSELF AS I ALWAYS DID. TO THINK YOU WOULD BE SEVERAL HOURS AWAY, I GUESS I WAS TO OVER PROTECTIVE AND WANTED YOU TO JUST STAY HOME WHERE DAD AND MYSELF TAKE CARE OF YOU.
I JUST DON'T KNOW ANYMORE I JUST KEEP THROWING ALL OF THESE QUESTIONS OVER AND OVER AGAIN IN MY MIND.
I KNOW WAYNE HAS ALWAYS WATCH OVER YOU SINCE YOU GUYS WHERE BORN.
YOU WHERE HIS LITTLE BROTHER AND BIG BROTHERS ALWAYS WATCHED OVER THEIR LITTLE BROTHERS.
I GUESS WE ALL WATCHED OVER EACH OTHER BECAUSE WE ARE ALL SO CLOSE.
THAT IS WHY THIS IS SO HARD BECAUSE THIS WAS NOT SUPPOSE TO BE.
YOU GUYS WHERE SUPPOSE TO BE HERE FOR ME AND DAD.
SOMETIMES I JUST CAN'T UNDERSTAND IT. ACTUALLY IT'S EVERYDAY I THINK OF THAT.
SO NOW I JUST WAIT PATIENTLY UNTIL I AM WITH YOU AGAIN.
WHICH IS VERY HARD JOE, YOU KNOW ME IT IS SO HARD TO WAIT WHEN YOU WANT SOMETHING SO BADLY.
WELL MY SWEET SON MOM WILL TALK TO YOU LATER.
I LOVE YOU FOREVER AND ALWAYS.
YOUR MOM FOREVER.

HEY MY JOEY,

IT'S MOM. JUST ON MY MIND AS ALWAYS. THINKING ABOUT YOU EVERYDAY, MINUTE AND SECOND.
THE KIDS WHERE HERE YESTERDAY. THEY ARE GETTING SO BIG JOE.
THEY MISS YOU SO MUCH.
OF COURSE WAYNE III ALWAYS GOES IN YOUR ROOM TO PLAY THE X-BOX.
HE REMEMBERS EVERYTHING.
YESTERDAY HE SAID GRANDMA JOEY AND ME USE TO ALWAYS PLAY THESE GAMES.
HE ALSO LAUGH WITH ME.
I SAID I KNOW HONEY.
HE SAID HE THINKS OF YOU ALL THE TIME AND HE SAID YOU ARE STILL HERE WITH US ALL THE TIME.
YOU ARE ALWAYS HERE--
I SAID I KNOW, JOEY IS HERE HE WILL NEVER LEAVE US.
YOUR PRESENTS IS ALWAYS HERE JOE, YOUR FATHER AND EVERY FAMILY MEMBER THAT IS HERE THEY SAY THE SAME THING.
THEY SAY BECAUSE YOU ARE ALL AROUND THE HOUSE, YOU NEVER LEFT AND NEVER WILL.
THEY STILL SEE YOUR SMILE, HEAR YOUR LAUGH AND ALWAYS SEES YOU IN THE KITCHEN EATING.
I SAID I KN0W, I JUST THINK OF YOU BEING OUT AT THE GYM OR SOMETHING.
TO ME YOU ARE ALWAYS HERE, THAT IS HOW I MAKE IT THROUGH THE DAY.'
I HEAR YOU ALWAYS CALLING ME (MOM, MOM). AND THAT WILL NEVER LEAVE ME.
FOR DAD AND ME WE JUST WILL NEVER BELIEVE IT OR EXCEPT IT.
WE DON'T. YOU ARE ALWAYS WITH US.
LIKE I TOLD YOU BEFORE THE HOURS, DAYS, WEEKS ARE JUST GOING BY SO FAST IT IS UNREAL.
DAD ALWAYS SAYS WELL ITS ONE MORE DAY CLOSER TO MY "BABY".
YOU KNOW HE IS SO RIGHT.
THAT IS WHAT I THINK OF EVERYDAY.
ONE MORE DAY CLOSER TO YOU HONEY.
YOU JUST KEEP WATCHING OVER US AND GUIDING US AND HELPING US MAQKE IT THROUGH ANOTHER DAY, WEEK AND BEFORE YOU KNOW IT WE WILL BE ALL TOGETHER AGAIN.
WE JUST MISS AND LOVE YOU SO MUCH WORDS CAN'T EVEN EXPRESS IT, BUT YOU KNOW.
WE JUST MISS HUGGING YOU, TRYING TO PUT MY ARMS AROUND YOU.
YOU LAYING ACROSS OUR BED AND WATCHING MOVIES WITH US.
WELL MY BABY I WILL TALK TO LATER.
I LOVE YOU FOREVER AND ALWAYS.
LOVE MOM

Hi my Joe,

It's mom just sending you all my love as I do everyday.
Well honey, things are still the same, there is nothing new happening.
It just seems that the weeks and months are going by and I don't even realize what month we are in.
Not that it makes any difference but Dad just tells me its a day sooner until we are all together again.
Each day or should I say every morning I wake up I pray to you always and ask you to give me the strength to make it through another day.
Everday when the sun is up I say oh my god Joey would be up and saying I am going to go to the beach and then I will be back, because after that you would be going to the gym and then say Mom whats for supper.
Everyday I see and hear you saying what you would be doing.
I know what you would be doing when I am out
driving I see all the things and places you have been at and it just kills me to know that Joey would be here and Joey would be doing that and Joey love to go there.
In my mind I always say Joey is here and knowing that I would see you and that wonderful smile and beautiful face laughing and you looking at me and saying Mom what are you doing.
It's just so hard to put into words.
I guess what I am trying to say is that Joe you are all around.
You were as big as life and so well known and loved that no matter where I am or where I go everyone knows.
You know everyone saids that time heals or it will get a little easier, I don't understand that because it seems like it just gets harder if that is possible.
It will never get any easier ever, I am your Mom and you are my son and the bond I have with you and Wayne that is something that will never get easier or the pain that I carry everyday with me will never ease up.
I just go through everyday the best I can until we are all reunited again.
You and your brother were the best thing that ever happened to me and for that nothing can ever ease my pain.
Well my sweet baby I will talk to you later.
I love you forever and always.
Mom

HI MY SWEET SON,

IT'S MOM. JUST SENDING YOU MY LOVE. (AS ALWAYS).
I AM STILL NOT WELL. BUT I AM DEALING WITH IT.
JOE, I HAVE MET SOME WONDERFUL AND REALLY DOWN TO EARTH PEOPLE WHO ARE TRULY GOOD.
I DON'T KNOW WHY THEY WHERE PUT IN MY PATH TO MET, BUT THEY WHERE.
I REALLY DON'T KNOW WHY ANY OF THIS IS HAPPENING BUT I AM SO TIRED OF TRYING TO FIGURE IT OUT.
I GUESS SO DAY OR MAYBE NEVER.
UNTIL THEN I JUST TAKE IT DAY BY DAY WITH YOUR HELP AND STRENGTH.
WELL MY SWEET BABY, I WILL TALK TO YOU LATER.
I LOVE YOU FOREVER AND ALWAYS.
LOVE MOM

HEY MY SWEET JOE,

WELL TODAY IS ANOTHER DAY. I AM STILL HERE, SURPRISING--(HUH). I TRY MY HARDEST AND WITH WHATEVER I HAVE LEFT INSIDE ME.
I KNOW YOU WOULD REALLY HATE TO SEE THE CONDITION I AM IN, BUT I ALSO KNOW THAT YOU KNOWING YOUR MOM IS EXACTLY WHAT WOULD HAPPEN TO ME, IF ANYTHING EVER HAPPENED (GOD FORBID) TO MY BOYS. I WAS OR IT IS SUPPOSE TO BE THAT YOUR KIDS TAKE CARE OF YOU WHEN YOUR MOM AND DAD GET OLDER.
I WAS SUPPOSE TO WATCH YOU AND TAKE CARE OF YOUR KIDS WHEN YOU WHERE READY TO HAVE KIDS. I WAS SUPPOSE TO WATCH YOU GROW OLD AND BE THERE UNTIL IT WAS MY TIME.
NEVER DID I EXPECT THIS.
YES, WE HAVE THE KIDS AND YOUR BROTHER AND I LOVE THEM TO DEATH, THEY ARE MY LIFE AND YOURS.
I REMEMBER HOW YOU USE TO LAUGH AND SAY AFTER HAVING THE KIDS ALL DAY ALL WEEKEND WELL MOM I AM THINKING TWICE ABOUT EVER HAVING KIDS.
BUT YOU LOVE THEM SO MUCH AND HOW THEY LOVE YOU AND HOW THEY WHERE ALWAYS IN YOUR ROOM WITH YOU.
YOU WOULD ALWAYS TAKE THEM TO THE STORE WITH YOU AND THEY LOVE THAT, BEING WITH THEIR UNCLE JOE.
WE HAVE SUCH A WONDERFUL AND CLOSE FAMILY, BUT NOW WE JUST LOOK AT EACH OTHER ALL DAY EVERYDAY AND NOT ONLY CAN YOU FEEL THE EMPTYNESS AND DISBELIEF BUT YOU CAN JUST SEE THE HURT, PAIN AND SADDNESS ON EVERYONE'S FACE.
IT IS JUST NOR WILL IT EVER BE THE SAME.
WE ALL HAVE OUR OWN DIFFERENT FEELINGS, WE ALL MOURN IN OUR OWN DIFFERENT WAY.
WE ALL HAVE OUR OWN DIFFERENT THOUGHTS.
WE ALSO HAVE OUR OWN DIFFERENT MEMORIES.
SO MY BEAUTIFUL SON NO MATTER WHAT, I WILL CONTINUE WITH YOUR HELP DAY BY DAY UNTIL I CAN'T CONTINUE ANYMORE.
I JUST WANT TO MAKE SURE DAD, WAYNE AND THE KIDS ARE SETTLED, YOU KNOW MOM I HAVE TO MAKE SURE EVERYONE IS OK.
THEN I CAN STOP FIGHTING WITH MYSELF INSIDE AND PUSHING MYSELF EVERYDAY.
I AM JUST GETTING TO THE POINT WHERE I JUST DO NOT HAVE THE STRENGTH THAT I USE TO.
IT'S FUNNY HOW YOU ALWAYS THOUGHT MOM COULD TAKE CARE OF EVERYTHING OR FIX IT.
THE CALLS EVERYDAY AT WORK FROM YOU EVEN IF IT WAS A QUESTION YOU NEEDED TO HAVE ANSWERED.
WELL MY SWEET SON MOM JUST CAN'T FIX THIS.
WELL HONEY I WILL TALK TO YOU LATER.
I LOVE YOU FOREVER AND ALWAYS.
YOUR MOM

HI HONEY,

IT'S MOM JUST SENDING YOU ALL MY LOVE.
BOY JOE, I WISH I COULD FEEL SOMEWHAT A LITTLE BIT BETTER.
IT JUST SEEMS TO GET WORSE. DAD AGREES.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT ELSE TO DO, EXCEPT WAIT.
THAT IS THE WORST OF ALL IS "WAITING".
I JUST SEE YOU BEAUTIFUL FACE ALL THE TIME AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS HUG YOU AND NOT LET GO.
IT JUST SEEMS SO UNREAL TO ME. I CAN'T SHAKE THIS TERRIBLE FEELING THAT THIS IS ALL A DREAM.
I KNOW I HAVE NOT EXCEPTED IT AND I WILL NEVER, BUT UNTIL THAN I AM VERY LOST.
DAD HAS YOUR VOICE ON THE TELELPHONE RECORDER WHEN THE PHONE WASN'T PICKED UP RIGHT AWAY, AND DO YOU KNOW THAT I HAVE "NEVER ONCE" LISTENED TO IT! I JUST CAN'T.
I KNOW HE DOES AND IT JUST KILLS HIM, I TOLD HIM WHY, WHY LISTEN TO IT, HE HAS NO ANSWERS EITHER. I GUESS THAT IS YOUR DAD IN HIS WAY SO HOW IT KILLS HIM BUT THAN AGAIN HE FEELS LIKE YOU ARE HERE WITH HIM.
HE TELLS ME EVERYDAY THAT YOU ARE HERE EVERYDAY. HE FEELS YOU AND HEARS THINGS THAT ONLY YOU AND HIM KNOW. WHEN I WAS WORKING AND IT WAS JUST YOU AND HIM ALL DAY AT HOME.
HE TELLS ME TO JUST LET IT IN AND BELIEVE, THAT'S ALL HE SAIDS TO ME ALL DAY YOU HAVE TO BELIEVE, JOE I TRY I REALLY DO, I ALWAYS HAVE THAT IS HOW I WAS BROUGHT UP AND BROUGHT YOU AND YOUR BROTHER UP.
THAT DAY I LOST EVERYTHING INSIDE, EVERYTHING I BELIEVED IN, I HAVE TRIED IT JUST IS NOT HAPPENING.
ALOT OF PEOPLE TELL ME IT WILL COME BACK, I AM STILL IN DENIAL AND DISBELIEF. (SHOCK).
I JUST CAN'T LET YOU GO. I WON'T. BUT THAT SHOULD NOT STOP ME FROM BELIEVEING, I JUST DON'T KNOW.
I GUESS IN MY MIND I DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW CHILDREN, BABIES, GOOD PEOPLE ARE THE ONES THAT SEEM TO BE TAKEN. WHEN YOU STILL HAVE ALL THE WORST CRIMINALS STILL OUT THERE.
MAYBE THAT IS WHY I AM HAVING SUCH A PROBLEM.
I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY THIS WOULD HAPPEN TO INNOCENT PEOPLE.
THAT IS MY PROBLEM.
WELL MY SWEET ANGEL I WILL TALK TO YOU LATER.
I LOVE YOU FOREVER AND ALWAYS.
YOUR MOM

 

---

HI HONEY,

JUST SENDING YOU ALL MY LOVE.
I JUST HAVE NOT BEEN FEELING THAT GOOD LATELY.
ALOT ON MY MIND. DAD TOO.
WE JUST MISS YOU SO MUCH AND THERE IS NOTHING THAT IS THE SAME.
EVERYTHING SEEMS SO DIFFERENT AND QUIET AND LONELY.
JUST NOT THE SAME AND NEVER WILL BE.
I LOVE YOU MY SWEET BABY.
I WILL TALK TO YOU LATER.
I LOVE YOU FOREVER AND ALWAYS.
MOM