Joseph William DeMatthews

My Dear Joe,

 

What can I say that I haven't said a thousand times. I will keep on saying them and writing until I can't write anymore. I will than no longer be here, I will be reunited with you. That will be the only reason that will stop my writing.

So, if I repeat  things that's ok. There aren't anything that I wrote that will change. You will always been in my heart, mind, soul and body.

I will always be in denial, disbelief and have this heavyness I carry around with me in my heart. This pain in my stomach.

I know when other families that have lost love ones and they write to you, those words are the same that I write to you.

They are having the same feelings. It's just something you have never experienced it unless you are going through the same thing.

Their pain, emptyness, saddness and all of those feelings are just so real there are no words.   

My heart and prayers go out to them as they do to you.

 

I love you forever and always....

Mom 

My Dear Joe,

 

Another day dear... This heart of mine is just so heavy it feels like there are days that my chest feels like there are tons of weight holding it so tight.

I know that this feeling will never leave me and that is ok, I have learned to live with that. I came to the realization that everyday I get up and open my eyes that I am just a different person in every aspect of that word.

 

As the days past by I thought it may ease up somewhat, but I guess the love, the bond and the closeness of a mom and her son are just something that does not just ease up nor go away because I no longer can put my arms around you and say goodmorning or I Love you and kiss your cheek.

 

I Love your always and forever.....

Mom  

DEAR DEBBIE, IT BROKE MY HEART TO READ THE CONDOLENCE YOU LEFT. YES, I FEEL YOUR PAIN AND EMPTINESS AND IF ONLY WE HAD SOME ANSWERS TO THIS ONGOING NIGHTMARE WE LIVE. I'M SORRY, I DON'T HAVE ANY. ALL I DO KNOW IS THAT OUR BOYS LIVE ON IN OUR HEARTS AND MINDS AND I'M SURE THEY WOULD NOT WANT US TO LIVE THE REST OF OUR TIME HERE, FEELING THE WAY WE DO. 

I DON'T HAVE THE MAGIC PILL YOU TALKED ABOUT. I WISH I DID, AS IT MIGHT MAKE THIS PAIN A LITTLE MORE BEARABLE.  MY DEAR FRIEND, IF THERE'S ANYTHING I CAN DO TO HELP YOU, PLEASE ASK,  I WOULD GLADLY GIVE YOU MY NUMBER IF YOU WANT TO TALK.  IT MAY HELP BOTH OF US.

JUST KNOW THAT I'M IN THIS WITH YOU FOR THE LONG HAUL. YOUR NOT ALONE. I TRULY BELIEVE THAT OUR SON'S ARE STILL HERE WITH US, NO, WE MAY NOT BE ABLE TO SEE THEM BUT, THEY ARE HERE. THAT GIVES ME SOME COMFORT.  JOEY AND JOSHUA ARE PROBABLY GOOD FRIENDS NOW AND I KNOW THEY SEE OUR HEARTS AND KNOW WHAT WE ARE GOING THROUGH. I WANT MY BOYS TO BE HAPPY AND MAYBE IF THEY SEE THAT I AM AT LEAST TRYING TO GO ON WITH LIFE, THE BEST I CAN, THAT WILL ADD TO THEIR HAPPINESS.

TO KNOW THAT SOMEDAY I WILL SEE THEM, HUG THEM, KISS THEM AND HOLD THEM AGAIN IS WHAT I LOOK FORWARD TO.  THAT IS WHAT KEEPS ME GOING.  THIS WILL BE THE ONE AND ONLY TIME I WILL EVER HAVE TO LET THEM GO AGAIN.

I'M HERE FOR YOU DEBBIE AND ANYTIME YOU NEED ME, JUST HOLLER.

HUGS AND MUCH LOVE TO YOU MY NEW FRIEND,  MICHELLE

Dear Joey,

 

Another day another hour another month and now another year. My baby I will never except you not being here nor will I ever believe it. You are always in my HEART as usually and always will be.

There is not a day goes by that we are not together.

You are with me always and forever!!!!!

 

Love Mom

DEBBIE, PLEASE LET ME KNOW FROM TIME TO TIME HOW YOU ARE DOING. I'M CONCERNED ABOUT YOU.  I DON'T WANT TO APPEAR NOSEY BUT, HAVE YOU BEEN TO THE DOCTOR?  I WILL PRAY FOR YOU TO GET BETTER AND GET SOME STRENGTH BACK. I SURE HOPE IT'S NOTHING SERIOUS. THANK YOU AGAIN FOR THINKING OF MY BOYS.  I'M SURE YOU MISS JOEY AS MUCH AS I MISS THEM. SOMETIMES I FEEL LIKE JUST GIVING UP AND JOINING THEM BUT, THATS NOT THE WAY TO DEAL WITH THIS PAIN.  EVERYONE ASKS ME HOW I DO IT, I DON'T KNOW. THEY SAY GOD WON'T GIVE YOU ANYMORE THAN YOU CAN HANDLE BUT, I DON'T KNOW OF ANYTHING ELSE THATS THIS PAINFUL.

WELL, ENOUGH ABOUT ME, YOU JUST GET BETTER AND TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF. HOPE TO TALK TO YOU AGAIN SOON.

HUGS TO YOU AND YOURS, MICHELLE

DEBBIE, THANK YOU FOR THE KIND WORDS. I AM SO SORRY YOU ARE NOT FEELING WELL. I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL, SOME DAYS I DON'T KNOW HOW TO GO ON. THE PAIN AND EMPTINESS NEVER GO AWAY. JOSHUA AND JAMIE WERE MY ONLY CHILDREN SO FOR ME, IT'S REALLY LONELY. I KNOW THAT ALOT OF MOMS ON THIS SITE HAVE OTHER CHILDREN AND MAYBE THAT HELPS, I DON'T KNOW.  ALL I DO KNOW IS THAT MY LIFE WILL NEVER BE THE SAME AGAIN.

I KNOW I'M NOT THE ONLY MOM WHO FEELS THIS WAY AND IF I COULD BRING EVERY CHILD BACK TO THEIR PARENTS I WOULD. ALL I CAN DO IS TAKE ONE DAY AT A TIME AND TRY TO GET BACK TO SOME KIND OF NORMAL LIFE.

I WISH YOU WELL AND HOPE YOU GET BACK ON YOUR FEET REAL SOON. THANK YOU AGAIN FOR VISITING MY BOYS.

GOD BLESS YOU AND YOUR FAMILY. 

MUCH LOVE AND RESPECT, MICHELLE

My Dearest Joe,

Another day gone by. Another lonely, sadness, denial, cannot except it, unbelievable day. It just will never end.

I miss your smile so much there are no words to express it. Your laugh, your kindness, your silliness, you calling my name everyday.
Our talks, "always our talks!!!!

I still ask "WHY" I will always ask that one little word that has so much meaning to it.
I will never understand-NEVER.

There is so much violence in this world and I just still question why would something so horrific happen to a family, a Mother's son who had so much to give with his kindness, always being there for anyone.
Why, do these things happen to children that still have their whole life ahead of them be taken from their love ones.

People tell me you are a special angel and you where needed, I'm sorry I need you, your family needs you. Again give me a answer I can understand...

Well, my sweet boy I will talk to you in a little while.
I Love you Forever & Always....
Love Mom always.

Message by Bonnie Burton

Hi Debbie,

I was visiting the MeM Website and I saw your son, Joey's, memorial featured story and I just wanted to tell both you, your husband and the rest of your family how so very sorry I am to hear of the loss of your beautiful son. I don't have any family members on this website, but, I do come visit, from time to time, some of the families and see how they are doing. I was looking at your son's pictures and read the tribute that you wrote for him, and both you and your husband have such a beautiful family. Again, I am so very sorry to hear about the loss of your son, Joey.

I was reading one of your passages that you wrote concerning the tingling feeling that you get on your arm and face from time to time, and I honestly believe and agree with Pam, that it is your son, Joey, letting you know that he is there with you, comforting you and watching over you and your family.

I lost my father when I was 9 years old, my mom about 12 years ago and my brother back in 2000. I love and miss all three of them so very much. There isn't a day that goes by that they aren't in my thoughts and prayers. When I lost my mom, it just took the life out of me. I just would not except my mom's death. I kept hearing her voice calling my name. The first time I heard mom's voice, it brought me back to a time when I was very little and she would call me when I was outside playing and when I would ventured too far from the backyard. I felt so much at peace. But, I still wouldn't except her death, though. There were two other times that I had heard her voice. The third time when I heard her voice, I opened my eyes and I saw a beautiful bright light. I felt my mom's presence in the room. It scared me, though, just a little. But, that was when I finally excepted my mom's death. I said a prayer and I immediately went to sleep. After that day, I could see in my mind and felt in my heart that my mom was no longer in pain, that she was young again, that she was enjoying the Mardi Gras (she was from New Orleans and use to take me to the Mardi Gras every year when I was a kid up until I was 17, when her sister passed away) up in Heaven with my dad, her sister and the rest of her family who have passed on. I haven't heard her voice anymore, but, I do feel her presence, especially when I'm sad or having a difficult time. Mom passed away about six months before my husband and I were transferring to Japan with the Navy. She had known that we were going to go to Japan, and she was so excited for us. She had always wanted to go to the orient, but, never had the opportunity to do so. I remember when Jerry and I were stationed in Naples, Italy (I was serving in the Navy during that time period) back in the mid 80s, mom had surprised us by traveling to Italy to visit us. I had called her on the overseas phone one day to say hi and she said that she was going to see me in two weeks. It was so cute, two weeks later she had flown into Naples, but, her luggage stayed in Rome. Luckily, Rome is only three or so hours away from Naples, so Jerry, mom and I hopped into the car, drove up to the Rome International Airport and got her luggage. But, to make a long story short (I love telling these special stories about my mom and the special things that she'd do) when Jerry and I were in Japan, he was onboard the USS Kitty Hawk. Being onboard an aircraft carrier is very dangerous and when he would go out to sea, I would miss him and worry about him so much. One night, when Jerry was underway, I was feeling so very sad and had him on my mind. While in Japan, I felt my mom's presence all the time. I was laying in bed and just couldn't go to sleep. All of a sudden, I felt this peace about me and it felt like someone had put their arm around me to comfort me. I immediately fell asleep. I felt in my heart that that was my mom comforting me and telling me that Jerry would be alright and that he was come home safely.

Debbie, I honestly believe in my heart that your son, Joey, is just letting you know in his special way that he is there with you when you feel those tingly feelings on your arm and face. I know that you would rather have him with you in the body, but, know that he is with you always.

I apologize for writing such a long entry in your son's guest book. But, I just wanted to say how sorry I am to both you, your husband and your family for the loss of your beautiful son, Joey. There are so many wonderful caring family members who come on this website to visit their loved ones, and always take the time to reach out to others, when that person needs comforting and an encouraging word that, even though the pain dosen't go away, that it's okay to grieve for as long as they want even if it's up until the day that the Good Lord take's that them home to finally be with their loved ones, that it's okay to take one day at a time, and that they are never alone.

Debbie, both you, your husband and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

Bonnie