My Dearest Son,
I am so sorry I have not wrote lately, I have been in the hospital. I am sure you know that. I am home now and I will be writting again. I miss you so much Joe. I love you so much. When I was in the hospital about 2 weeks they kept me there, you were on my mind constantly. When laying in that hospital bed day after day I was picturing you and me in the sandbox that Dad and me had bought you and your brother in New Jersey. How much fun we use to have. The pail and shovels you would be on my lap and than I would sit you in the sand and we would make castles. Your brother was old enough to make his own creations that were so wonderful and creative for a little boy. Joe, the images were so vivid in my mind for the first time that it made me have such mixed emotions. It was bittersweet. On one hand I was happy and on the other I was sad.
I know you so well and I know you will be waiting for me with open arms. I guess I was left here for a reason that is what so many people have told me and I don't know why. Why I would be here without my beautiful son who had so much to give and so much to live for. Plus parents are suppose to go before their children. Well Joe, I guess there was a reason I was still left here. You know and the whole world will know very shortly.
I will keep you alive and I will never let your name be forgotten as long as I am breathing.
When I am finishing what I am doing than I guess it will be finish why I was left here.
Joe, I also have met so many wonderful families that are going through the same thing I am. They are Moms', Dads' sisters' brothers' aunts' uncles' cousins' and all the people they have touched.
All these Moms' that now are my dearest friends have become so close and we now have someone to talk with and we all are wearing the same shoes. We actually can finish each other sentences because we are all on the same page and have the same pain. Even though I could not write to them as I usually do because I was in the hospital they still wrote to you Joe, they still lite a candle, they still wrote a condolence. They had no idea was I was not writing, but they still wrote no matter, this is what I mean when I say they are such true, very true friends to me. They all have a special spot in my heart.
I will start writing to them and explain why they haven't heard from me, but you know Joe it does not matter they will just be happen that I am ok and that I am still here, that is what I mean when I say very dear and true friends.
OK, my baby I am going to go now I am kinda tired, but I will be writing again and lighting a candle for you. As soon as I get some rest I will be writing to my friends again.
I love you forever and always,
Your Mom Forever...
HI Debbie
I am so sorry to hear you were in the hospital-I hope you are feeling a bit better. I always heard how painful the shingles are-I hope you are recuperating fast from it. I'm glad you are home now with your family. My husband & I were on vacation from feb 3rd-we went to Fl - we were going to see his daughter in fort lauderdale then to the keys. As we were driving through port st lucie I couldn't help but think about you!! We were shopping in the Publix & all I could think about was your Joe-I could see him there helping a customer or just giving one of his beautiful smiles. Or how he would be if we just bumped into each other - I imagined him a gentleman like he always was!! My thoughts were with you & Joe the whole time we were in FL - I wish I had known Joe! but when you talk about him I feel as if I do.
Please take care of yourself & feel better! I will talk to you later.
Diane
I HOPE YOUR FEELING BETTER, I KNOW THIS WILL TAKE SOME TIME TO GET BACK ON YOUR FEET. YOU KNOW YOU CAN CALL ME ANYTIME YOU NEED SOMEONE TO TALK TO. I WISH I COULD GIVE YOU A BIG HUG TOO. THANK YOU FOR THINKING OF MY SWEET ANGELS JUST AS I ALWAYS THINK OF YOUR JOEY. IN MY HEART I KNOW THE BOYS ARE FRIENDS AND PROBABLY HAVING A GOOD TIME TOGETHER. I ONLY WISH WE COULD BE WITH THEM.. SOMEDAY DEB, WE'LL HAVE THAT TIME WITH THEM AGAIN. YOU WANNA HEAR SOMETHING FUNNY? I WORRY THAT WHEN I GET THERE, I'M GONNA BE OLD AND THEY WILL REMAIN YOUNG, THEY WON'T KNOW WHO I AM. I CAN JUST HEAR JOSHUA SAY " BOY MOM, YOU SURE GOT OLD ". HE USED TO TELL ME HOW TO WEAR MY HAIR, WHEN IT WAS TIME FOR THE DYE BOTTLE. HE ALWAYS WANTED ME TO LOOK MY BEST. HE NEVER WANTED ME TO CUT MY HAIR SO NOW IT'S LONG AND I CAN'T DO A THING WITH IT, BUT, I WILL NEVER CUT IT. SOMETIMES I THINK OF THE SILLIEST THINGS.
I JUST WANT YOU TO FEEL BETTER AND GET SOME KIND OF NORMAL BACK DEB. I KNOW JOEY WOULD WANT THAT TOO. REMEMBER, I'M HERE ANYTIME. TAKE CARE AND CALL IF YOU NEED ME.
LOVE N HUGS MY FRIEND
MICHELLE
Debbie,
Hello my dear friend, I hope your feeling better. I know it's been hard and I only wish I could be close enough to give you a big hug. When your feeling up to it, please call me. I miss talking to you. I know our boys are together too. I can just feel it. Please take care of yourself, you mean alot to so many people. Talk to you soon, I hope.
Hugs to you sweet friend, Michelle
HI Debbie
I'm so sorry to hear you were so sick-I hope you are feeling a little better. I know it's been hard for you - but never worry we never forget our angels!! I talk to my mom everyday-I still find myself going to call her & tell her what's going on-then I remember she must already know. We grew up w/out a father-our mother was both to us-so we all became a really close family!! That's why it's been hard to adjust being here w/out her!! My sisters & brother are feeling the same-but at least they are all in jersey together-I miss not being able to run over & see them & the kids. I am the oldest & when she passed they all looked to me to take charge & it was hard!! Thank god for my husband-he helped get me through it! He's a strong person-I couldn't have done it without him. Even when my father got sick & passed away my husband encouraged me to go see him-I'm glad he did! My father was there with me when my mom passed so I figured I could do the same for him!
My mom wasn't the typical mother-she would take anyone in-friend or foe! When my sister lost her daughter it broke my mom. She went into a depression & of course she was trying to help my sister cope with the loss while feeling horrible herself!! Of course you know you never get over the loss of a child & we still miss Jessica so very much!! But I told my sister that mommy is with her now taking care of her. It's hard because we all wonder what Jessica would be doing now-how beautiful she would have been. But for now my mom is the one who knows those answers.
When my mom got sick we NEVER let her give up!!! She never blamed anyone or anything else for what was happening to her. She fought hard for 7 yrs-& that's all we could ask for.
She was also a pack rat-always bringing some crap home from yard sales that of course she didn't need-or if anything was on sale at the store we had at least 7 of the items!! When we had to get her house ready to sell what a mess she left us!! We were cleaning stuff out telling her "see ma I told you it would end up in the garbage!!"
Like I said before you have a great relationship with your sons like my mom has with her kids!! We knew she was always behind us even if we were wrong! She never turned her back on anyone! And yes we miss her so much-& it dosen't seem fair that she was taken when you have all these people who are killing others & nothing happens to them!! It makes me angry - but there isn't anything I can do about it-or anyone else for that matter.
So Debbie all we can do is hang in there & wait for the day we are all reunited with our loved ones! I know they are around us-as a matter of fact both my mother & father were here with me the other night in my dreams-I could see them so clearly but they couldn't talk to me! I just have to keep believing that they hear me!
Please take care of yourself & feel better! Joey wants you to be healthy enough to enjoy your son Wayne & your grandchildren!! He would want you to be happy - & I know you've probably heard that before. One thing that never leaves is the love in our hearts we have for our families-if they are here or gone.
My family has alot going on right now-& my husband just lost his sister-& a friend of my father's. It seems every time I turn around someone else is gone. My sister who lost her daughter has 3 boys-2 of them are in very big trouble right now-so we are trying to help out with that! I feel so bad for her because I know just talking to my mom would help all of them right now! That's my new job-making sure they are all OK!
Take care Debbie & I will talk to you later.
Diane
