Joseph William DeMatthews

hi my baby,

sorry this is going to be short.
i had my surgery yesterday and i was up half the night.
they have me in a sling and it is very hard to write.
i am in so much pain.
like i need anymore.
well my love i will talk to you later.
i love you forever and always.

Goodmorning my sweet baby,

Well the hurricane past us we just had alot of rain and wind.
So that was good for everyone.
Alot of people put their shutters up but your father didn't. But thats good that alot of people did just in case.
Like I told you yesterday I really don't care and I am not afraid anymore of any hurricanes.
I get my surgery tomorrow very early in the morning on my other hand but it will be two surguries.
My wrist and elbow. So at least I will finally have them both finished after all these years, that I put they on the back burner.
I always put myself last you know that. Everyone else came first. But it came to the time where I couldn't even hold things without dropping them.
And the pain was so bad.
Well at least it will be my left this time so I can still write you.
I wouldn't care if it was my whole arm nothing would stop me from writing you everyday.
Well my baby I will talk to you later.
I love you and miss you forever and always.
Mom

Hi my beautiful son,

Just writing my daily message to you.
There is another hurricane coming.
All that does is remind me of last year with all those hurricanes how you kept teasing me about my safe place.
You always stay home with us during those.
That is where you always felt content and safe with mom and dad.
You also knew there was always food and a varity of things to drink.
I miss that so much.
You know since you are not here I was always afraid of the hurricanes but you know
now that the first one this year is headed our way again I am not a bit afraid.
I guess that is strange in a way.
I just wish you were here with us.
Well my love I will talk to you later.
I love you forever and always.
Love Mom

Hi my lovely baby,

I am doing OK I guess. If that's what it is called.
Your father Joe is really not doing well at all.
I was thinking about talking it over with your brother. Because you know how Dad is.
He has to be strong in front of anyone.
SO I have been thinking about this all week.
I will wait a couple more days and see how it goes.
Well my baby you know I just wanted to let you know how much I love and miss you so much I have this pit in my stomach.
I will talk to you later. I love you.
Love always and forever
Mom

Hi my sweet angel,

It's mom just writing my daily message to you.
Another day Joe that I have to go through without you here. You and me talking.
Just about daily things. What time were you going to the gym and what were you going to do the rest of the day when you were done.
Always checking as I usually do.
Doesn't matter how old you or your brother get I just needed to know or I just felt better knowing where you guys were.
I always felt at ease when I heard the door and I would ask you what you were doing and you would say I am home for the night I could actually go to sleep feeling that everything was ok.
But even now that I know were you are everyday I can't sleep nor eat or do anything I use to do.
There isn't a day that goes by that I don't shed a tear.
I just hate this emptyness and pain inside.
Everyday I literally hate it.
Well my love I will talk to you later.
Love you forever and always
Mom

 

Good morning my sweet boy,

 

When your father and I went to talk to the priest one on one. I explained to him that I have tried everything and nothing is helping me. Not that anything would ever until we are reunited again. But he told me to pray to you everyday along with my praying. He said you would NOT want to see me in this condition at all.

I know he was right when it came to that because of the way you and your brother always protected me. He said that being the strong bond we have just pray to you and you will come to me. He also said as big and strong you are for me to ask you to help me. So of course I started.

Well my Love I will talk to you later.

Always Mom

Hi my Sweet Baby,

I just got done writing on your website.
I just wanted to tell you how much I love and miss you. I know I tell you that everyday but I hate to have to do it this way now.
Joe everyone misses you so much. Your kindness, smile, gentleness and your innocents.
Big Joe as your friends called you. To me you are and always will be my beautiful, sweet baby boy.
I just cannot wait until we are reunited.
It is the same here Joe nothing has changed except your not here.
So our life is on a day to day basis.
We don't do anything. We just can't.
Alot of friends and family members invite us over but we don't go only because we do not want to ruin their good time not because we don't want to.
I just can't enjoy myself or put on a fake smile that is not who I am.
I have nothing to be happy about.
Well my sweet boy I will talk to you later.
I love you forever and always.
Mom

Hi My Sweet Angel,

Just wanted to tell you how much I miss and Love you.
Dad and I went to church this morning.
It got to him today. He really isn't feeling that great today and he his very quiet.
He misses you so much Joe. You know him he keeps everything inside.
Plus he started cleaning out the garage last week and alot of your things were in there.
That bothered him so deeply.
You just left us so empty, we don't know what to do.
But look at each other and cry.
Sometimes he will yell or curse and say I want my baby back.
We just cannot believe this happened to us.
But we will be together soon.
I love you forever and always!
Mom

Hi My Angel,

How are you today. It's just the same with me. I miss talking to you.
I have been going into your room more than usually and just talking to you.
For now that is the only thing I can do for now.
I just hate it so much. I loved looking at your beautiful smile and hearing your laugh.
You are just so full of life and enjoyed it so much.
That's what kills me.
The sweetness and gentleness I miss.
Well my baby I will talk to you later.
I love you forever and always.
Mom

Hi my sweet baby,

You know Joe, that lately I have been experiencing some things that are happening around the house. You know me I don't believe in any of that stuff.
But lately I can't ignore it. First of all I came home after being at Danielle's and went into my room and Dad was on the other side of the bed sitting and I went to put my stuff down and my cell phone rang and I answered it and it was your brother.
So I sat on the bed and all of a sudden my fan went on you know the one next to my bed that is very, very hard to turn on and for that second I looked at Dad and he looked at me and I couldn't even talk to Wayne.
Then I will come into Wayne's old room, the office to go on the computer and the whole room smells of your cologne.
I just don't know what is going on but I am here baby waiting to be with you.
Also your bedroom door was locked the other day and Dad had to find the key.
The phone has been ringing and coming up NO DATA and no one will answer.
I have been praying so much everyday that it has become a part of my day.
Well my love I will talk to you later.
I love you forever and always
See you Soon.
Mom

 

Hi My Angel,

How are you today. It's just the same with me. I miss talking to you.
I have been going into your room more than usually and just talking to you.
For now that is the only thing I can do for now.
I just hate it so much. I loved looking at your beautiful smile and hearing your laugh.
You are just so full of life and enjoyed it so much.
That's what kills me.
The sweetness and gentleness I miss.
Well my baby I will talk to you later.
I love you forever and always.
Mom

 

Hi my sweet Baby,

 

Just wanted to tell you how much I miss holding you everyday. Telling you how much I love you with all my being.

I can't wait until we are reunited again.

I will talk to you later.

I love you forever and always

Mom

Hi my sweet Angel,

You know Joe, since all of this I do not dream, "Thank God" but this morning I woke up with a terrible dream. Actually it woke me up.It was that you were missing and someone told me you were no longer here. I started screaming in my dream telling them they are lying.. I continued to run around and look for you.
I was screaming your name out as I was running around looking for you. But you didn't answer. I started to get nervous but I kept looking.
I knew I would find you.
And I guess that's what woke me up. When I woke up I realized that it was a dream and it was also real.
I hate it so much waking up in the morning.
I wish so much that it really was just a dream.
So of course now I begin another day of pain and sorrow. And having that dream on my mind wishing that, thats all it was a dream.
I just wish all this pain, emptyness, sorrow, hurtful, depression, and so many other feelings would just go away.
But I guess they won't until we are together
again.
I love you forever and always!!!!!!!!
Your Mom

Hi my sweet Angel,

You know Joe, since all of this I do not dream, "Thank God" but this morning I woke up with a terrible dream. Actually it woke me up.It was that you were missing and someone told me you were no longer here. I started screaming in my dream telling them they are lying.. I continued to run around and look for you.
I was screaming your name out as I was running around looking for you. But you didn't answer. I started to get nervous but I kept looking.
I knew I would find you.
And I guess that's what woke me up. When I woke up I realized that it was a dream and it was also real.
I hate it so much waking up in the morning.
I wish so much that it really was just a dream.
So of course now I begin another day of pain and sorrow. And having that dream on my mind wishing that, thats all it was a dream.
I just wish all this pain, emptyness, sorrow, hurtful, depression, and so many other feelings would just go away.
But I guess they won't until we are together
again.
I love you forever and always!!!!!!!!
Your Mom

 

To my sweet angel,

 

Joe, I can't explain how I feel, I know you know how I feel. You and your brother know that if anything ever happened to you or him I could not go on.

Believe me I am trying day by day just to make it through the day.

Of course a day doesn't go by without tears rolling down my face. I pray everyday to you to help me make it through the day.

I just can't wait until we are all reunited again. This is not how it is suppose to work.

The parents are suppose to go first. I would had never believed this would ever happen to us. Ever! Especially you.

I love you forever and always

Mom

Hi Honey,

Just wanted to tell you I love you and miss you so much.
I took Bella for her yearly shots and she was so good Joe.
She misses you so much the way you use to come in and call her name and take her in your room.
Precious is doing good. She misses you too.
Your father and I went to talk to the Priest today and it was very comforting and he said some things to us and made me feel a little better.
Your father and I are going to church Sunday and the priest is going to say some things regarding you and the family.
He gave us a bottle of holy water and held our hands and he prayed for us.
There were just some questions I needed to ask and have answers to.
Of course I cryed I just can't go anywhere without doing that. I don't know if that will ever stop.
Well my baby I will talk to you later.
I love you forever and always.
Mom

Hi, My Sweet Boy,

The past couple days for some reason has been hard. I'm sure you know. My heart just seems like it eithers beats so fast that it feels like it is going to pop. Other days it beats so slow I can bearly feel it when I put my hand on my chest. I see you everyday around the house and I just ache for you so much to be home.
Everyday it is different for me I feel so emotional everyday in different ways.
Either I am very quiet and I don't speak a word or I am very nervous Like I am going to bust any minute.
I've said it before and I'll say it again your father is so nervous and upset with me.
He hates seeing me like this and it is killing him, but I tell him I am ok.
He knows because he is feeling the same way.
I just try to make it through the day without a tear running down my face. It is so hard to do but I do try.
With every tear I weep it feels like I am just getting weaker and then I try and pull it together if not for me but for him.
We will be going to church tomorrow I will be doing so much praying and try to get something out of it or maybe even feel something inside instead of this emptyness.
Your father and I went to the Dr. the other day the one who did the surgery on your knees. (Ortho)
Of course he remembered your father who wouldn't once you see him you don't forget.
But he didn't put it together. When your father told him he almost fell were he stood.
He was in shock. He use to take you to the Dr's office for your visits when I was working.
But I will be having surgery on the 17th on my hands. He will be doing the right one first.
I guess I just let them go. But it got to a point were I have been in so much pain and dropping things that it's time to get it fixed.
When I write to you I am in so much pain but I continue because I can't let a day go bye without talking to you.
So now when this is done I can't write all I want without stopping all the time to take a break.
Plus my one hand has no feeling. So it is hard to type like I use to.
Believe me I would not be getting this done
but I need my hands so I can feel and hold you again.
Well my baby I will talk to you later.
I love you forever and always!!
Mom FOREVER

Hi my Angel,

It's Saturday another day goes by without you here.
I miss you saying Mom I'll be right back I'm going to the gym. Or I'm going to work I'll see you later. Or what's for supper. Or are my black pants done.
I miss all that.
That's one of the reason's why my life is so empty.
I rather be busy doing things like that instead of staying in bed, crying and hurrying for the day to go by fast.
Well my sweet child I will talk to you later.
I love you forever and always.
Mom

Hi sweetie,
I know I missed a couple of days but I had surgery on my hand.
So it is very hard to write. They have my hand all wrapped up and of course it is my right hand.
I cannot do anything with my left.
You know me, but i'm trying.
I can't just lay in bed and do nothing but let my mind wonder.
I have to get my left hand done but I am going to wait.
That is more intensive. It's not only my wrist but they have to do my elbow to.
That is because I have waited so long it just got worst.
You know Mom I always come last. I have to make sure everyone else is ok.
The only reason I got my right one done is because I need at least one hand to work with. It was the Ortho Dr. who did your knees. When he heard about you he was devasted.
He couldn't believe it.
He said not Joe the big guy who drives the ambulance on the side.
So of course I broke down and he couldn't be more sorry to your father and me.
Joe you touch everyone's life with your kindness and that beautiful smile of yours.
Your brother was in the paper again regarding the 1st place he won with the right and left hand.
The title was so big as the picture was.
ARM WRESTLER EARNS EMOTIONAL TITLE.
There is a paragraph that saids Christmas DeMatthews brother Joey passed away and his birthday coincided with Wayne's this summers title match. "It was really nice. Actually one of the medals is in his room," said DeMatthews.
"It was always in the back of my head that I wanted to do it for him, but I didn't want to add any more pressure to myself.
But it difinitely made it more satisfying."
He holds the State Championship, but you know your brother just like you that it is not good enough (you guys) have to exceed to the highest point you can get to.
He is now going for the "World Championship".
It doesn't matter what you two do it never did you both know that I am proud of both of you no matter what!
We all just miss and love you so much that we wish you were here.
You always got so excited when things like that happens with anyone in the family.
You used to enjoy going to the games and even competing in them.
Danielle did my hair the other day because I knew I was having surgery and would only have one hand.
Amy took the kids to Ohio for a week she should be coming home tomorrow. At least they are enjoying their summer vacation.
Danielle did Aubree's hair before they left and knows Danielle's day off is Wednesday and asked her if she would pick her up from dance camp and then spend the day with her. That's so cute. Of course she said yes.
The kids are getting so big Joe.
You were always so protected of them.
I know you are still watching over them.
Well my Love I am going to go back to bed and I will talk to you later.
I love you forever and always.
Mom

Dear Robin,

I just read your tribute to Joey and I want to thank you so much.I just had surgery so I haven't been at the computer. I just don't know what to do. I talk to a priest, counseling and I am under the Dr's care. Nothing seems to help. I know in my heart nothing will. I will put you and your family in my daily prayers. I am very sorry. All I know is everyone I have spoke to told me I will be with my son again. So I hold on to that and I guess that is what makes me make it through the day. I am home on medical leave if you want to talk my e-mail is waynedebbie14@yahoo.com

Thank You again

Debbie