Joseph William DeMatthews

Hi my sweet boy,

Joe, I miss you so deeply. There are days I just do not think I will make it. I had a long talk with Dad last night. Joey, our life will never ever be the same people tell us time will heal or that it takes time and it will get easier. Joe, it may just be us, but it just gets worst.
It does not get any easier nor does time ease up.

My Dear Joey,

The holidays are coming upon us and I can feel that I am losing it and so is Dad.
We may not say anything to each other but when we look at each other we know what the other one is thinking.
Since the day you where taken from us, we have not celebrated any of the holidays. (It's just to painful).
You just loved them and would be so excited and would join in helping me decorate.
I do not have that in me any longer, that was lost that day.
We have not even put up the Tree since that day and I never will. I can't.
What is there to celebrate? All it is ( a painful memory). What I can remember!!!
No matter what it is there is not a day that goes by that your name does not come out of my mouth.
Everything is a reminder, Joey use to do that, Joey loved that, remember when, remember how, Joey, use to do that and this.
It will always be that way, because you where such a big part of this family and still are and you will always be here.
I pray every morning when I wake up with this pain and emptiness inside me.
I do not know how I will be on that day, but I know you will be with us.
Well my sweet son I love you and miss you forever until that day I will be reunited with my wonderful boy.
I hold on to that always......
Well I will talk to you later.
I love you forever and always,
Mom

My best friend. I love you. Brothers forever.

My Joey,
It is getting close to Christmas, it will be the anniversary of when you where taken from us.
It has been so very hard. This pass week has actually been a nightmare for us.
We are walking in circles not knowing what to do next.
Your father is just not well. Every time I see him weather he is in the room, living room any room in the house he is just sitting there sobbing with his hands over his face.
There is nothing I can do. I can barely make it through the day.
This is just not fair and it doesn't seem normal.
Everything is different.
The other day I had to go to the store only because it was out of necessities. I was shaking the hold time trying to block out the Christmas music that was playing overhead, all the Christmas things out people laughing and talking about what they were going to cook for the holidays.
The smiles on their faces and just being happy.
Joe, you know that I use to be one of those happy people getting ready for the holidays.
Well, needless to say all of a sudden the whole place starting spinning and all I remembered was holding on to the cart.
I was soaking wet as if I just got out of the pool.
When I got myself together I left the cart there and got in the car as fast as I could. I sat there for a minute and starting crying and could not stop.
When I finally did I made it home.
Your father saw my face and he knew. All we did was he put his arms around me and we cried.
My baby my heart is so broke and like I told you I pray everyday to you and I ask for help, guidance, strength and just help me through day by day.
I stopped asking Why!
Well my sweet boy I will talk to you later.
I love you forever and always.....
Soon Mom

Hi my Baby,

My Joey, Halloween came and went. I just could not write, I know every Halloween you were always so excited about going to Orlando for horror night and the last Halloween you were dressed up like a cop. You won first place. (I knew you would)...
How you use to love to answer the door and give the kids candy and make conversation with them on who they where and you would laugh with them about there outfits. You would always give them a hand full of candy. The little guys you would tell them to put their hand in that big bowl and pick out what they wanted. You just loved it.
So that is why I couldn't write honey it is just to sad and hard for me. I told you we do not even celebrate any holidays anymore.
I gave your brother all my decorations for I will never use them again.
I just miss you so much it hurts. They say it will get easier, well not for me it get's harder.
Every time I do go out someone always stop's me and ask me OH Debbie how are you holding up?
We cannot not believe this.... All of us miss and love Joe so much he was bigger than life.
He was the kindness person you could ever meet.
Joe, It is so hard for me to hear this all the time. I know how you where and I still will not except it.
No one has to tell me, all that does is set me back further than I already am.
I know that they need to express their feelings and they really don't know what to say, but that is why I really do not leave the house.
When I see all the decorations up already I get such a sick feeling in my stomach that I really do not think I will make it much longer.
All I see is your beautiful face all day long in my mind. Hear that laugh and see your beautiful smile.
Well my sweet baby I will talk to you later.
I love you forever and always.....
Soon---- Mom

Hey my sweet son,

Another day, week and month. Well what can I say, that I have not already said a million times. I walk through the house and see you all around me and still say to myself my beautiful son, he is just at the Mall, Gym, or at work.
Sometimes, I will just pick up your picture and just go into another world of our whole life together.
My mind just keeps racing so fast into different directions of times we were doing so many things together. (always together).
Both of us laughing, times you would always stress me out because I couldn't say no to you so you would keep at me until finally I would say Yes.
You knew I would.
So many different places and times and I do not even say one word when I am holding your picture in my arms.
My thoughts just start running away with you and me into a time and place that seems like it will never end.
There are just so many wonderful people I have met and that have always been my friend and have always been there for me.
I just wish I could let the new wonderful friends that have come into my life would have known me before all of this.
You know me Joe I was always so open and friendly and always laughing I just am not the same person nor will ever be again.
I remember when I use to laugh and have so much fun and my family came first.
When I was shopping, working, on the phone etc...
I never had a worried because I have the best two boys I could have never imaged I would have been blessed with.
My family. As long as you guys where ok I was at my best.
Now my "heart, soul, mind, feelings and life in general will never be the same for me.
I will never be the same half of my life is not here with me.
I always or maybe I should say took life for granted because I was blessed.
Who would have ever thought........
All of the parents out there that have lost love ones
"oh my god" what can I say.
I never ever knew how much you lost and how much your heart was broke.
Your family will never be the same.
I would see these movies on T.V. and my heart would go out for them, but I really never knew how much the pain was killing them inside day by day.
The hurt all the feeling that go with it, that I never really knew.
My HEART is now along with all of them and I now know how they truly feel.
Well my sweet boy,
I will talk to you later.
I love you forever and always.....
SOON-MOM

                                            

                             

To all my wonderful moms &  dads,  I have not been able to write as much as I use to. I loss my mom, my younger brother and still taking care of my dad, which is extremely very hard.  I want to thank all of you for continually writing to my son, it means the world to me.  I am also writing on my second book which is extremely difficult, I still wake up not knowing if it's going to be a good day or bad.  I am going to try and be back like I use to and write to all the beautiful angels, I have not and will never forget all of you.  You're moms & dads, are always on my mind.  Life Love Loss A Mothers worst nightmare the loss of a child.  My first book I want to thank everyone who read it I hope it helped you. Remember you are never alone.  Love to all. Deborah DeMatthews 

Dear Deborah - you and your family are in my thoughts as you remember your beloved son Joseph on his Heaven day. I cannot even imagine how difficult this time of the year is for you. sigh.
love and hugs,
maria
Christopher's mommy forever